


say it out loud

by ieatravioli



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-29
Updated: 2012-07-29
Packaged: 2017-11-11 00:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ieatravioli/pseuds/ieatravioli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam has a younger sister who is deaf and he meets Zayn; an alumni from his sister's school. Zayn has just found out that he's qualified to receive a Cochlear implant and decides to go through with the procedure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	say it out loud

**Author's Note:**

> i know little about cochlear implants so the information is quite vague. also this is unbeta'd- any mistakes are mine!

Liam rushes around his apartment trying to get ready. He usually takes pride in his time keeping abilities but this morning things are working against him. He slept in, the water for the shower refused to heat up and the shirt he had ironed the night before had been in an unfortunate accident with Liam’s morning bowl of cereal.

His phone buzzes in his pocket as he speeds out the door and he knows it is his mother chastising him for being late. He thanks himself for working out as he runs to the train station in less than five minutes, making it to the platform two minutes before the train is due to leave.

There he meets his mother, father and Sam, his little sister, who are eagerly awaiting Liam’s arrival. Sam runs to jump in his arms but stops when she looks down at her brand new dress with a frown. Liam laughs and waggles his eyebrows at her, moving his hands fluently to let her know he thinks she looks wonderful.

She smiles widely and holds Liam’s hand instead. He can feel her clammy hand in his and how it shakes slightly. It is her end of year graduation at St. Mary’s school and she is nervous as usual. St Marys is a private school specialised in dealing with children who are visually or audibly impaired. Ever since she was born Sam had been deaf. It was a blow to the family at first but they quickly adjusted and had learned to speak sign language so as to communicate with the little girl.

Sam was lucky she had a lot of support not just with her family but with her friends. Before she attended St Mary’s, many of her friends that lived nearby had offered to learn sign language too so she could be included in their fun. Although she had a mild setback, Liam always believed Sam would achieve great things and he is nothing but proud of his little sister.

“I can’t believe she will be going into 6th form” his Dad sighs as they board the train and Liam’s mother places her hand on the small of his back with a small smile on her face.

Liam looks down on his eleven year old sister and can hardly believe it himself. He always remembers the day she was born and how excited he was. He laughs when he remembers crying because he had wanted a little brother.

Sam looks up at him and frowns. ‘What are you laughing at?’ and Liam shakes his head, squeezing her hand and following her into the train.

The train is oddly empty for a Friday afternoon and they easily find a compartment to sit in. The four of them sit down and converse happily for the whole hour it takes to get there.

~~

As usual, St. Marys’ gym is full to the brim with students ranging from four years old all the way up to seventeen or eighteen and there is a throng of noise throughout the building.

A few of Sam’s friends come bounding up to her and with a nod of permission from their mother she goes rushing off into the crowd. Liam finds four seats near the front of the stage and they take their seat quietly, glancing around to make sure they know where Sam is.

After a short amount of time the teachers start rounding up the kids until they are all finally settled down, Sam tucked neatly into Liam’s side.

The principal of the school makes a short speech, both verbally and with sign language. Liam tries not to appear too bored as she makes the same speech he hears every year. When it is time to hand out their graduation scrolls, Liam leans forward in his chair with sudden interest. The olive skinned boy helping to hand out the scrolls catches his attention.

He has never seen him before but he must be a student here, the familiar blue blazer fitting him perfectly. He has immaculate black hair, sticking up at an odd angle but suiting him perfectly. His face makes Liam almost gasp in surprise. He has deep brown eyes and a jawline that models would die for and Liam unashamedly stares as the boy’s tongue darts across his plush lips. 

“Liam” he hears his mother snap and he finally jumps to focus and realises he was blocking Sam’s way leaning forward in his seat. He blushes deeply as all eyes land on him and sits back abruptly to let her pass. He tries to keep his eyes on her as she shakes her principal’s hand but his eyes keep returning to the raven haired boy who hands Sam her scroll with a kind smile.

Liam applauds along with everyone else and he feels a pang in his heart when the boy’s eyes catch his momentarily. The boy smiles with the corner of his mouth and Liam is too shocked to return the gesture. Instead he does a goofy half wave and immediately regrets it when the boy appears to be holding back a laugh.

Liam refuses to look at him for the rest of the ceremony but swears he can feel the boy’s eyes pinned on his throughout. Sam keeps nudging him and asking him what is wrong but Liam just shakes his head and tries to appear as nonchalant as possible even though he feels like his face is about to burn right off his skull.

When the ceremony is over Liam wants nothing more than to run back to the train station and hop onto the next train but of course his family want to stick around. They need to take as many pictures as possible and Liam groans in frustration when he is pulled into another group photo.

To Liam’s dismay they are invited to stay for refreshments and Sam drags him over to her group of friends who always giggle and blush whenever Liam is near.

He is clenching his fists and eyeing the door warily when he feels a tap on his shoulder.

He turns around and nearly bolts out the door when he faces the boy with the scrolls. He has a shy smile on his face and waves at Liam.

“Hello” Liam nods his head and watches the boy’s cheeks turn pink. Liam curses himself at his stupidity. He signs the word at the boy instead and watches his face light up causing his stomach to clench.

The boy returns the sign and introduces himself as Zayn Malik, a senior ready to graduate the following week. Liam tells him who he is and why he is here, pointing at Sam with a feigned look of disgust for his little sister. Zayn laughs and uses his hands to tell Liam how he often sees Sam rushing around the school, a happy little blur that Liam can easily imagine.

Liam is used to reading people’s hands but he has never been thrown off by a pair before. The way Zayn’s move leave Liam short of breath and wishing the ground would swallow him whole. He hopes Zayn can’t see the gross milk stain on his shirt that he had tried in vain to wash out. All in all he is pretty sure he is making a total arse of himself in front of the brown eyed boy.

While Liam thinks he is making a fool of himself, Zayn seems to be thinking the opposite. He asks Liam a lot of questions about himself, how he found using sign language, how he found dealing with Sam. Liam answers each question honestly and his answers seem to please Zayn. His smile extends to his eyes, causing the dark brown orbs to twinkle and make Liam stare.

“Liam we are leaving!” he hears his father call over the crowd of people and Liam’s stomach sinks.

Zayn looks confused at his sudden change in expression and Liam informs him that he has to leave. Zayn looks just as sorry as Liam feels. He waves goodbye and they smile at each other shyly before Liam turns to the door and walks after his family.

He wants to turn back and take another look at Zayn but refuses, knowing that his bad luck of the day would make him fall over and make an ass of himself yet again.

They are close to the gates of the school when Liam hears someone rushing up behind them. He turns around and spots Zayn behind him, his eyes sparkling slightly in the dark.

He is out of breath and stands with his hands on his knees and all Liam can do is stare at him in confusion.

‘I’m having a birthday party tomorrow- would you like to come?’ Zayn signs at him and Liam notices his hands are shaking slightly, maybe because of his lack of oxygen but Liam hopes it is out of nerves. Zayn does look apprehensive as he waits for Liam’s answer and when Liam breaks out in a grin Zayn returns it with one even larger.

Liam nods his head exaggeratedly and Zayn hands Liam his phone. Liam takes it and enters his number into Zayn’s contacts, feeling excited as his fingers nervously tap the number keys of the phone.

Zayn thanks him and goes to turn away but stops and faces Liam with a serious expression on his face.

‘By the way- you have a stain on your shirt’ he signs and points at Liam’s hip where the ghastly stain lies. Liam gasps and covers it with his hand, blushing furiously. Zayn bursts out laughing at Liam’s reaction and walks back towards the school.

“Who was that love?” Liam’s mother asks as he catches up with them at the train station.

“Just a new friend” Liam smiles at her and spends the rest of the trip home contemplating why Zayn decided to invite him to his party and trying desperately not to think about how impossibly gorgeous Zayn was. 

//

After a restless night Liam wakes up early and stays in bed for an hour two. He mulls over what he should wear that night, if he should buy Zayn a gift, whether he should even attend the party or not. After checking his phone a few dozen times, it finally buzzes to life with a text at one pm. Liam stares at its perch on the pillow beside him and chews on his bottom lip nervously. Maybe Zayn will tell him that the party is off, maybe it is not even Zayn but one of his friends from college telling him something stupid that he should find hilarious.

He lifts his phone and opens the message. It is from a number he does not recognise and immediately his heart starts thumping. The message starts with a cheery good morning followed by directions to a house and then an added “ _this is Zayn by the way : ) x_ "

Liam tuts at the butterflies that erupt in his stomach especially when he re-reads the end of the text. He texts back a simple “see you there” without a kiss and throws his phone away.

“Stop acting like a schoolgirl” Liam says out loud and it echoes around his lonely apartment only making him feel worse about himself.

He jumps out of bed and roots through his wardrobe. He moans about how he has nothing to wear even as the tower of clothes loom over him. He finally decides on a simple red shirt and black jeans, hoping that it is not a formal party or else Liam will be the same colour as his shirt for the entire night.

An hour before the train, Liam stops at the local shop and contemplates whether he should buy Zayn something and settle on a large bottle of vodka. If he doesn’t want it Liam will gladly down the liquid whether he agrees with drinking or not, he feels like he could drink the lot right now.

When the train pulls up, Liam almost refuses to board it but he thinks about what else he could be doing that night and decides that a night of possible humiliation triumphs over a night in on his own watching some talent show that will make him want to tear his own hair out.

The train arrives at the station five minutes later than it should and Liam panics slightly when he thinks maybe Zayn had lost his patience and left. Instead, he panics even more when he spots Zayn leaning against a vending machine against the red brick wall of the train station. He is wearing a navy blazer, a white t-shirt and tan chinos which fit him in all the right areas that Liam wishes he could stop looking at.

Zayn practically beams when Liam jumps off the train and waves at him. Liam pretends like he had not seen him and waves back, returning Zayn’s delighted smile.

They awkwardly hover in front of each other before Zayn gestures towards the car sitting in the car park and they both hop in. Liam goes to turn the radio on and blushes when he realises that that would be an extremely stupid thing to do.

Zayn spots him jumping back into his seat and laughs quietly. He reaches over and turns the radio on and Liam hears the song that is currently at number one in the charts. He can’t help but bop his head in time to the beat and Zayn remains motionless, eyes focused on the road.

When they stop at traffic lights Zayn turns to Liam and signs him a question that Liam has never heard before.

‘What is music like?’

Liam feels a sudden rush of pity for Zayn but tries not to let himself show it. He knows Sam hates it when people take pity on her. Liam sits and thinks for a moment, the question is almost impossible to answer. How can you explain music?

‘It is hard to explain. It is beautiful and complex and makes you forget about things, or remember things - depending on the song really. No song is the same and it can fill you with every kind of emotion possible… it’s great, it really is’ he finally manages to answer and looks at Zayn again who is smiling at him.

‘You seem to really love it’ Zayn signs and Liam laughs and nods his head.

‘I am studying music at college actually’ Liam tells him and Zayn’s attention slips when the traffic light switches to green. He drives away and Liam watches him carefully. Different expressions cross his face as he contemplates Liam’s answer. He looks sad and Liam reaches out to squeeze his shoulder. Zayn seems to relax under his grip and smiles again, making Liam feel instantly better.

They finally pull up to a large house that makes Liam’s jaw drop. It is at least four stories high and has large windows dashed all across the immaculately white stone work. Zayn stops the car outside the huge red door and laughs at Liam’s facial expression.

‘This is your home?’

Zayn nods his head and jumps out of the car. Liam manages to tear his eyes away from the architecture just in time to watch as Zayn’s t-shirt rides up, revealing a mouth-watering lower back. Zayn turns around and pokes his head in the car, eyebrows raised expectantly. Liam shakes his head in an effort to cool down and hops out of the car himself.

“Calm down Liam you dirty bastard” he snaps at himself before turning to Zayn with a fake smile.

He remembers the bottle in the disgusting glittery bag the shop had wrapped it in and hands it out to Zayn. Zayn looks at it in confusion and takes it out of Liam’s hands.

‘Just something small’ Liam signs and shoves his hands deep in his jean pockets, suddenly insecure about the shitty present. Zayn pokes a look inside the bad and lights up when he spots the logo on the bottle.

‘The guys will love you for this’ he signs and hugs Liam in thanks, a gesture which leaves Liam short for breath and hopefully less pink than he thinks he is.

Zayn opens the front door with his key and if the outside of his house made Liam’s jaw drop, the inside was ten times more beautiful. It was impossibly clean compared to Liam’s family home which he thought was clean enough. The stairs lead upwards in a beautiful spiral and there are ornaments that look more expensive than Liam’s apartment lying in all the right places.

‘Your house is lovely’ Liam manages to sign after taking in the sight and Zayn just shrugs, clearly unfazed by the appearance of his home.

“Ah you must be Liam” a woman’s voice comes from behind them and Liam turns around to see who must be Zayn’s mother standing in the doorway to the kitchen. She smiles largely at Liam and walks over to shake his hand.

“Hello Mrs Malik” he mutters and hears Mrs Malik laugh.

“Please, call me Tricia” she says and turns to Zayn.

“Everyone else is upstairs” she says and Liam frowns at her for not using her hands to communicate with her son.

Zayn notices his reaction and smirks. ‘I am pretty good at lip reading certain people’ he explains and Liam nods his head in acknowledgement. Sam does that sometimes, most of those times being unfortunate for Liam as she picks up particularly filthy words that can escape his mouth.

He waves at his mother and gestures for Liam to follow him and they make their way up the stairs. The sound of people talking and laughing grows louder as they make their way upward and Liam’s mouth dries up with nerves as he realises he is about to meet Zayn’s friends.

Zayn leads him down a long corridor and Liam barely has time to look at the picture frames that decorate the walls before they stop at a door. On it is an old sign that has “Zayn’s room, keep out” in child’s handwriting. Liam smiles at the sign and Zayn blushes and quickly explains that he never bothered to take it down since he was a child.

He opens the door and Liam is met with loud laughter and jumps back when a large orange flies past his head. Zayn frowns at the culprit and a short blonde boy perched on Zayn’s bed looks extremely guilty as he apologises rapidly both verbally and with his hands until Zayn finally signals at him to shut up.

“Who are you?” another person pipes up, looking at Liam from his seat on the windowsill. Liam goes to open his mouth and Zayn stops him.

‘Everyone this is Liam’ he informs them and the blonde boy whistles from the bed and smiles suggestively at Zayn. Zayn walks over to him and slaps him on the head.

“Hi, I’m Niall” the blonde boy finally says to Liam, rubbing the back of his head with one hand and shakes Liam’s hand with the other.

‘This is Louis’ Zayn points at the boy on the windowsill who is eying Liam suspiciously.

“Are you Samantha Payne’s brother?” Louis asks him and Liam nods his head, trying to figure out how the boy could possibly know him.

“I teach her drama class at school” Louis explains and smiles now at Liam. He likes Sam so figures that he might come to like her brother too.

A large crash comes from the far corner of the room and a curly haired boy comes falling out of a door with a large bottle of wine in his hand. The door leads to what looks like a walk-in-wardrobe and Liam laughs when he realises that must be where Zayn stashes his alcohol.

Louis sighs and rolls his eyes. “And that disaster is Harry” he tells Liam but the smile on his face denies his tone of disdain.

Harry groans and sits up, looking towards Zayn apologetically. He spots Liam standing awkwardly beside Louis and sits up, a large grin spreading across his youthful face.

“Liam right?” he says but his voice is incredibly loud and makes Liam jump.

“Sorry, I’m only half deaf you see” Harry shouts, pointing at his ears.

“I preferred it when you were all the way deaf” Louis mutters so that only Liam can hear him and Liam holds in a laugh, not wanting to appear to be laughing at Harry.

Liam returns everyone’s welcomes and takes a seat on the small sofa against the wall opposite Zayn’s bed. After a while he becomes accustomed to speaking both verbally and physically like the rest of the boys and gratefully accepts a glass of Coke from Harry after explaining to them that he does not drink.

“More for me then” Niall grins and then turns to face Zayn with a more serious look on his face. “Are there no girls coming?”

‘I didn’t ask anyone else’ Zayn says and Niall’s face drops.

“Some fucking party this will be” he sighs and dodges the pillow Zayn swats at him.

Zayn reveals the present Liam got him and the room erupts in cheers as they all pile in towards him, glasses clinking together as the four of them fight for the first drink. Zayn slaps all their hands away and claims the first drink for himself, grinning wickedly at them as he takes a long gulp, cringing slightly at the strong taste of the vodka as it hits his tongue.

Niall takes a lot more than Zayn and Liam worries slightly, hoping the young Irish lad can take his drink. Louis pours Harry for him when he is in the middle of telling Liam an exaggerated account of the day he met Zayn. Apparently they were both sent to detention for being cheeky and had an extremely dangerous paper airplane fight to pass the time. Zayn interjects at some stage to let Liam know that Harry was lying about having to be sent to the nurse because he got a paper cut on his eyeball.

Liam cant help but laugh as the four lads tell dramatic stories and laugh together, easily allowing Liam into their company.

After a few hours they all grumble about the lack of alcohol left and Niall has curled up into a ball at the foot of Zayn’s bed. He looks almost like a kitten. Louis seems to think so too and rubs Niall’s hair absentmindedly as he converses with the rest of them. Liam watches in interest as Harry tries to claim Louis attention away from Niall and smiles to himself when he realises that Harry must be jealous.

“Harry you really must be drunk because impossible as it is, I believe you have become louder” Louis snaps when Harry finishes a wonderful/awful rendition of Tainted Love. Zayn laughs along with them but once again Liam’s heart pangs with pity for the boy who cannot hear a single thing. Zayn catches Liam’s eye and smiles at him.

Liam is really screwed because with that simple gesture, his whole stomach clenches and his heart nearly rips out of his chest.

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, how is that you are only… half deaf?” Liam asks Harry but Louis interjects and answers for him. “When we were younger, Harry and I were walking home from.. where was it Haz?”

“The swimming pool”

“No it was the cinema”

“Was not”

“OK fine, the swimming pool and Harry didn’t look before he crossed the road –“

“Excuse me I did”

“Stop interrupting me. And some asshole hit Harry and basically he injured his whole left side. Unfortunately his hearing was affected and that’s how that happened” Louis finishes his story as if he was telling a fairy tale and Liam feels like he should say something apologetic but Harry nor Louis don’t seem bothered.

“I’m tired” Louis announces and jumps off the windowsill to reach under Zayn’s bed for a pair of sleeping bags.

“Come on curly” he says to Harry who is staggering slightly, poking Niall’s face in a vain attempt to wake him up. Louis drags Harry down into the sleeping bag that lies right next to his and Liam hears Harry giggle as Louis tries valiantly to get Harry comfortable.

When they finally stop fidgeting around Liam glances around the room and realises he will have to sleep on the couch as there is no room anywhere else. Zayn is already settling down on the left side of his bed and glances at Liam curiously when he takes Harry’s discarded jacket to use as a pillow.

‘What are you doing?’ Zayn leans up one elbow.

‘Going to sleep’ Liam answers and lies his head down on the pillow, wrapping his arms around himself as a blanket.

‘There is plenty of room here’ Zayn points to the right side of the bed with a genuinely confused look on his face as if Liam is personally offending him.

‘Well Niall might move up there’

Zayn shakes his head and tells Liam that Niall will be curled up at his feet for the night.

Liam hesitates slightly. He does not know Zayn that well and it would be awfully rude of him to just hop into his bed. He blushes slightly at the way that sounds and also at the fact that Zayn is semi-naked and wanting Liam to lie right next to him.

With that in mind, Liam jumps off the small sofa and clambers into the large double bed.

‘Are you going to sleep in your clothes’ Zayn asks and his innocent face makes Liam’s own darken at the dirty thoughts rushing around his brain. He nods quickly and pulls the covers up to his chin, trying to ignore how warm he feels and how good Zayn’s arms look when they are not covered with /unnecessary/ fabric.

They both lie on their back for a while, communicating every few moments with random conversations. Liam is glad that he has to focus on Zayn’s hands because Zayn is clearly too warm and has the covers pushed all the way down to his hips, his bare chest on display for the world to see. Well, only Liam and the others but still, Liam can’t handle it very well.

Zayn finally says goodnight to Liam and turns slightly with his back to him. Liam puffs out a long breath and his hair floats up slightly, he knows he is in for yet another sleepless night due to the boy sleeping soundly beside him.

//

The following morning Liam wakes up to the sound of Harry retching in the bathroom across the hall and what sounds like Louis comforting him.

He turns around and gasps cursing himself for forgetting who was lying beside him. Zayn managed to move closer to Liam during the night and his face lies inches from his own. In sleep Zayn looks completely calm and Liam can’t help but marvel at the sight of him. His moment is ruined when he hears a loud groan coming from the end of the bed.

“Jesus” Niall sits up and covers his eyes with his hands.

“Rough hangover?”

“Nah, I didn’t even drink that much, I just hate mornings”

Liam laughs thinking about the amount Niall had drunk and marvels at his strength.

“Aww look at the happy couple” Niall croaks when he peeks in between his fingers.

Liam snorts but his heart races anyway at the thought of him and Zayn as a couple. Sleeping next to each other. He shakes his head at himself as he feels his stomach coil with heat and kicks out at Niall who laughs loudly.

Zayn stirs in his sleep and unwillingly opens his eyes. He spots Niall grinning at him and glares at him, Niall jumping out of the bed before Zayn an injure him.

‘Is Harry vomiting?’ Zayn asks when he notices the empty sleeping bags on the floor beside the bed. Liam laughs and nods his head and Zayn emits a laugh himself.

Zayn’s mother walks in and Liam feels suddenly embarrassed as she quickly glances around the room. He rolls out of the bed quickly, certain that she will be angry at Liam for sleeping in Zayn’s bed. Everyone looks at him in confusion when he rolls out and falls onto the floor.

“Are you OK Liam?” she asks and smiles fondly when he stands up, stutters and nods his head, trying to brush himself down.

“Breakfast is ready” she tells them and flattens herself against the door when Niall thunders out of the room and down the stairs. She rolls her eyes but smiles and follows him out the door.

Liam hears Harry groan as the smell of the breakfast fry floats its way up the stairs and into the bathroom.

Liam wonders whether he should wait for Zayn or not and that question is answered when Zayn gets out of bed. He is wearing only his underwear and Liam tries his best not to gape when he takes in Zayn’s full body. He is not at muscly as Liam but his arms are muscly enough and his thighs and his back and Liam really wants to die.

Zayn puts a t-shirt on and Liam adjusts himself before he can turn around and notice Liam’s creepiness.

Zayn smiles warmly at him and gestures for Liam to lead the way. Liam makes his way down the stairs and walks into the kitchen. Niall is sitting at the dining table kitchen shoving as much food into his mouth as he can, looking delighted with himself.

Zayn dishes up some food and hands a plate to Liam who tries to stay calm when Zayn’s /long, distracting/ fingers brush his own.

Harry and Louis finally make an appearance, Harry looking quite pale but smiling broadly at them all regardless. He plonks down at the dining table beside Liam and Louis on his other side.

“So what did you lovebirds get up to last night in Zayn’s massive bed?” Harry shouts, his hands reaching out for the few bits of food left and Liam prays to anyone who can hear that Zayn cannot lip-read Harry. He turns the same colour as the tomato on Louis plate when he spots Zayn kicking Harry violently under the table.

“That’s disgusting, I was on the bed” Niall sputters through a mouthful of rashers and Zayn turns on him furiously. He lets them all know that he and Liam went to sleep and that was it and also to shut the fuck up.

Louis is smirking at Liam knowingly and Liam honestly cannot wait to get home, hopefully without talking to Louis but unfortunately he finds himself cornered by the older boy as he brushes his teeth in the bathroom.

He raises his eyebrows at Liam in the mirror from his stance against the doorway and Liam takes a long time to wash out his mouth. He stands and turns to face Louis, uncomfortable under his smirk.

“You like him” Louis states and Liam fidgets with the hem of his shirt as he shakes his head.

“Who? I have no idea what you are on about!”

“Don’t lie. You are the most obvious person I have ever come across” Louis snorts.

“I am not” Liam replies indignantly.

“Please. If Zayn even laughs at something you say you nearly poke my eye out with your boner”

Liam chokes on his own spit and Louis waits patiently until he catches his breath again.

“Listen, Zayn is not one to just invite random guys to his house, especially for his birthday, especially to meet us for God’s sake”

“What are you trying to say?” Liam asks, his stomach fluttering uncomfortably.

“Zayn likes you mate and you better do something about it because he sure as shit won’t” Louis walks out the door then, leaving Liam in a terrified and confused silence.

~~

Liam’s train is at three o clock and Harry and Louis have already left, leaving him, Niall and Zayn sitting in Zayn’s living room watching some ridiculous documentary on television.

Niall seems engrossed in the programme which Liam is frankly disturbed by when he realises it is based on the breeding of moths. Zayn looks bored but is unwilling to move from the couch, comfily resting his head on Liam’s shoulder. Something which makes Liam tense up and want to curl up in a ball or punch himself in the face, he doesn’t care which.

He keeps glancing at the clock and Zayn sits up with a slight frown on his face.

‘Are you anxious to leave?’ he asks Liam and it is Liam’s turn to frown.

‘Not at all’

‘You keep looking at the clock’

Liam blushes. Had Zayn been looking at him the whole time? Was Louis right?

‘I just don’t want to miss my train’

Zayn looks satisfied with the answer but stands up from the couch, reaching for Liam’s hand.

‘I’ll drive you to the station now, so you loosen up a bit’ he smiles so as not to appear to be making fun of Liam.

Liam spares a glance towards Niall who is staring avidly at the TV screen. “Gross” he whispers and Liam refuses to look at the television and Zayn shrugs, Niall will be fine on his own for a while. Liam takes Zayn’s hand and allows him to pull up. Liam struggles to not stare at the veins on Zayn’s forearm and runs back up to Zayn’s room to grab his bag and soon the two of them are once again side by side in Zayn’s car.

‘Did you have a good time?’ Zayn looks sheepish as they sit in the car park, Zayn resting against the door to look at Liam.

Liam nods his head, smiling genuinely and Zayn smiles wide, one where Liam can see his teeth and one that makes Liam draw in a shuddery breath.

They sit in silence for a while, Liam looking out the window but feeling Zayn’s eyes on him the whole time. At quarter to three, Liam is almost ready to leave when he feels Zayn kicking him gently with his foot. Liam looks at him and Zayn is smiling slightly but he looks nervous and for some reason this sends a jolt of nerves through Liam himself.

‘I’m really glad you had a good time’ Zayn signs but Liam has a feeling that this is not what he wanted to catch Liam’s attention for.

Liam does not know what came over him, does not even think straight but he finds himself reaching over and placing his hand on Zayn’s chin, cupping it gently. He leans in and before he presses their lips together his eyes meet Zayn’s. They are wide and scared but dark and excited so Liam closes the gap between them and captures Zayn’s lips with his own.

Zayn returns the kiss with more passion than Liam and soon Liam has Zayn pressed against the door of the car, their lips and tongues connecting wildly and Liam can hear Zayn’s small gasps every time they part for air. Zayn’s hands are roaming Liam’s back and the moment they cup his ass is the moment he decides that the train can go fuck itself.

He is practically lying on top of Zayn, their legs intertwined awkwardly with Zayn’s position in the car seat . Zayn finally breaks away and laughs shyly not letting go of his strong grip on Liam’s hips. He glances at the dashboard and Liam looks over and groans half-heartedly when he realises his train left fifteen minutes ago.

He sits back into the passenger’s seat and Zayn sits up, adjusting his jeans with a slight blush colouring his cheeks.

‘I guess you can get the evening train… or stay another night’

Liam looks Zayn over and his hair is a mess and his cheeks are pink and his teeth are pressed down on his bottom lip.

‘I think I’ll stay’

He does not blush this time and he looks Zayn straight in the eye and licks his lips, causing Zayn to start the engine and drive home at a speed that is definitely over the limit.  
//

 

Lying in Zayn’s bed half naked with an also half naked Zayn sleeping on his chest was a position Liam thought he would never find himself in. He pushes his worry of missing class tomorrow to the back of his brain and focuses on the boy draped across him.

He buries his face in Zayn’s hair when he glances down at the dark body, spotting several marks Liam had left across him.

In an effort to try and fall asleep Liam hums a song to himself, stroking Zayn’s arm in time to the song. He stops when he feels Zayn stir and feels guilty when his eyes flutter open. The guilt is replaced with something warmer when Zayn grins lazily up at him.

‘I could feel you talking or something’ Zayn signs, looking at where his head had been resting on Liam’s chest.

‘I was singing’ Liam admits and Zayn’s expression is one Liam finds hard to decipher.

‘I wish I could hear you sing’ Zayn looks sad and Liam feels his heart tug painfully in his chest. He wraps Zayn up in his arms and holds him tight, the two of them falling asleep after a long amount of time.

~~

Liam barely makes it to the train again the following day when Zayn decides to attack him against the car, kissing Liam until he has to pull away for air.

The faint colour of pink has not left Zayn’s cheeks since yesterday and Liam rubs the pad of his thumb gently across Zayn’s cheekbones.

‘You keep blushing’ Liam grins and Zayn looks down at his feet, almost nervous.

He shrugs and pulls Liam down for another kiss and Liam forgets what he was going to say at all.

‘My train is nearly here’ Liam grabs his bag from the car and starts to make his way over to the platform.

‘See you soon?’ Zayn looks like he trying to appear to be cool but the familiar blush and the way he shuffles his feet tells Liam different.

‘I’ll text you later’ Liam offers Zayn a kind smile and he loses himself in Zayn’s brown eyes until the trains whistle startles him back to reality.

‘Thanks for coming to the party’ Zayn looks shy and Liam can’t think of an appropriate response so gently kisses Zayn goodbye instead and waves out the window until Zayn is a small dot on the platform.

~~

It continues like that for some time, they text, they meet up, they kiss, they do a little more than kiss. And yet Liam feels disgruntled. He wants more than what they are doing. He wants all of Zayn. He wants more than the fun and sometimes awkward weekend nights. He wants more than the one kiss Zayn puts at the end of his text messages. He definitely wants more than what him and Zayn do in his bedroom late at night.

Zayn graduates St. Mary’s and is finally free, more time to spend with Liam really. And Liam thinks that now is the time to talk about it. He tries and fails for at least two weeks to mention it to Zayn. Zayn seems to be fine with their dynamic, casual as ever and never looks even slightly unsure about what they are doing.

One night however, after sharing a large pizza with Niall who was not satisfied with his four slices and left to go get a take away at home, Liam decides to bring it up. Well, Zayn drags it out of him more like.

‘You are acting strange’ Zayn points out when Liam stares off into space for what feels like the millionth time that night. Liam tries to act nonchalant, signalling that he is fine but Zayn’s frown only deepens. He stares at Liam over the rim of his glass until Liam turns to face him on the sofa. He stares at a bit of the cushion on the sofa with a frayed piece of fabric hanging off it and really wants to cut it off with some scissors. He is filing that to memory when Zayn’s hand waves in front of his eyes.

He snaps his head up and grins sheepishly in apology.

‘Am I doing something to bother you?’ Zayn questions, looking genuinely confused. Liam almost dies on the spot from guilt. His own problem is making Zayn think it his fault. He shakes his head vehemently.

‘I’m just kind of confused’ Liam admits and Zayn cocks his head, wanting Liam to tell him more.

‘I mean, I don’t know where this is going really’ he wants nothing more than to run into his bedroom and hide under his covers and for Zayn to come in after him and fix everything. He avoids looking at Zayn’s face, afraid of what his expression will reveal.

‘Can you explain a bit more’ he sees Zayn sign and Liam’s stomach jostles nervously. He actually has no idea what to say and he marvels at Zayn’s patience whilst he sits there staring into space like a buffoon.

‘I just, I really like you Zayn and I don’t know what we are doing? I mean, I just don’t know what you want’

He looks at Zayn then and Zayn looks at his hands. He looks sad or regretful and Liam thinks with a sinking stomach that this is when Zayn is finally going to tell him to clear off and leave him alone.

‘What do you want?’ Zayn asks him, eyes flitting across Liam’s face.

Liam bites his lip but realises that he has already embarrassed himself enough; he might as well be honest.

‘I want you. To be with me. Officially’ he can feel how hot his face is and groans at the image he has of himself right now. Zayn’s lips quirk up slightly. Liam groans again. He is laughing at Liam and Liam feels so ashamed.

‘Liam I am so confused’ Zayn tells him and Liam feels frustrated. What does Zayn want him to do? Write it out for him? Go in front of an audience to announce it? Zayn must notice Liam’s reaction and hurries into an explanation.

‘I mean why do you want to go out with me? I really like you too but to be honest, you deserve better’

Liam nearly chokes on the last remaining bit of spit in his mouth. Zayn is bright red and that sad expression is back in his eyes and Liam wants to claw his own skin off. He just looks at Zayn with a bewildered expression, wanting Zayn to explain himself. Zayn takes a few moments and does not look at Liam’s eyes as he starts to explain.

‘I mean, don’t you want someone who can actually hear you laugh? I know what it looks like and it’s… it’s beautiful. But I am sure it sounds ten times more beautiful than that. I can’t even imagine. Someone who should hear you sing, I can only feel it trembling through you, I can only see the veins in your neck pulsing but I can’t hear it. Don’t you want someone who you don’t have to go through so much effort for just to speak to?!’

Zayn looks angry and sad, his hands speed up more and more with every sentence and Liam’s throat clenches tight as a lump forms in it.

‘I just, I don’t understand why you are even still bothering with me’

Zayn slumps down then, clearly embarrassed by what he just admitted and can’t even bring his eyes up to meet Liam’s. Liam wants to wail. He wants to cry and scream and slap Zayn for being so stupid.

He reaches over and lifts Zayn’s chin up with his thumb. Their eyes meet and they both have tears welling in them. Liam is lost for words but he wants Zayn to know that none of that matters to him. All he wants is Zayn.

He breaches the gap between them and kisses the older boy in a way that he hopes conveys everything he is feeling. He keeps pressing his lips to Zayn’s, alternating between gentle and rough, desperate for Zayn to know what Liam is trying to do. Zayn’s hands reach around his waist and rest on his lower back, kissing Liam back and his usual small moans that he never knows he makes fill Liam’s ears.

He breaks away and the way Zayn looks at him makes his heart flutter and his stomach tighten. When he looks back on this moment, he thinks this is the moment he fell in love with him.

‘I want you too’ Zayn releases Liam to say and lets the growing smile morph into a full one ‘Officially’.

Liam feels ridiculous with the way he smiles back, almost like his face could split in two. He just launches himself at Zayn and attacks him with a dozen peck to the lips making them both laugh like a couple of kids.

‘Louis is going to be so smug’ Zayn rolls his eyes to heaven and Liam snorts in agreement.

‘Niall will cry’

‘Harry will write a song, no, a ballad’

‘Oh God please shut up and just sort me out already’ Liam finally interrupts, looking down between their bodies with a raised eyebrow.

Zayn grins wickedly up at him.

‘Cheeky’ he manages to add before unbuttoning Liam’s trousers.

//

As predicted, Louis was smug. Niall did not really cry though and Harry most definitely did not write a ballad.

“I knew it. I knew Zayn would be tied down by you you big giant puppy” Louis grins, his feet resting on the coffee table in Harry’s sitting room and his arms are folded across his chest.

Liam smirks and knocks his feet off the table for the fifth time and tells him to wipe the grin off his face.

“I knew it too” Niall adds in, glaring at Louis and smiling at Liam.

Harry comes in from the kitchen balancing a tray of drinks in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other.

“Oh no don’t worry about me, I’ll just carry everything in” Harry shouts sarcastically. Louis rolls his eyes to heaven and mocks Harry but runs into the kitchen anyway and re-emerges with their sweets.

“Where is Zayn anyway? It can’t take that long to drive to the DVD shop and back!” Niall huffs impatiently, eying the bowl of popcorn that Liam is keeping away from him.

“He’ll be here soon stop fretting” Louis tells Niall and cheekily swipes a piece of popcorn from the bowl, chewing it obnoxiously loudly in Niall’s face.

“Leave him alone you git” Harry says from his position on the sofa beside Liam.

“If you keep shouting like that during the movie you are going to have to leave” Louis sneers at Harry. Liam always feels guilty for Harry when Louis makes jibes at him but Harry only laughs and puts it past him.

“It’s my house asshole” Harry retorts but grins happily when Louis plonks down beside him, basically sitting in Harrys lap.

Finally they hear a car pull up in the driveway and someone walking into the house. Liam looks around when the sitting room door opens and his happy smile falters slightly at Zayn’s appearance.

He looks like he has just seen a ghost, hands shaking and his hair in a tousle like he had been running his hands through it. Something he only does when he is nervous or worried.

Liam stands up and walks over to him, grabbing him by the arm. Zayn almost jumps at the touch and looks up at Liam, an unreadable expression in his eyes.

‘What is it?’

Zayn shakes his head and walks over to the sofa. Zayn sits down on the edge of it and Louis and Harry lean forward, concern evident in their expression. Niall just turns around from his position on the carpet and looks at Zayn in confusion. Liam kneels down beside Niall and places his hand gently on Zayn’s knee.

Zayn finally looks up from his hands and looks at each of them slowly. It is as if they are all holding their breath. Not a sound can be heard and they are all staring at Zayn anxiously.

‘I got a text message on the way home. That is why I took so long’

Nobody says anything.

‘It was my specialist, Dr Walken. He told me something and I-’ Zayn stops moving his hands, they are shaking too much. Louis squeezes his hand in encouragement and Zayn smiles briefly.

‘Ok, bear with me’ he looks around at them all and yet nobody makes a sound, patiently awaiting his story.

‘A few months ago Dr Walken gave me loads of the usual tests but a few new ones I’ve never had before. He recommended that I try and go for a new procedure they are tying in a hospital in London for a cochlear implant. I had no idea what it was but Dr Walken seemed positive about it so I did, I went to London and saw a few specialists there who did more tests on me. They told me it would take a while to get back to me’

There is tension in the air as they wait for him to continue and Liam does not realise how firm his grip on Zayn’s knee is until Zayn tells him with a laugh.

“Go on will ya” Niall snaps, biting his nails nervously.

‘So that was them texting me earlier’

“And?” Louis asks, his blue eyes wide and his hand gripping Zayn’s madly.

“Well the woman told me that I was qualified. I can get it done’

Nobody says anything for a moment. They all just look at Zayn who is looking at each of them; his lips pressed together holding in a laugh.

‘I am actually doing this guys. I’m going to be able to hear’

At that, Harry lets out a loud wild cheer and throws himself on Zayn. Louis follows suit and then Niall and the three of them are jumping on top of Zayn, letting out noises like a pack of wild animals. Liam remains on the ground, his own hands starting to shake and he feels like he can’t breathe.

“Liam?”

Liam looks up and they have removed themselves from Zayn (kind of) and are looking at him. Zayn’s eyes are dancing with delight and there are tears forming in the brown pools. He beams down at Liam and Liam can hear his own heart hammering in his ribcage. He leans up on his knees and grabs Zayn’s face in his hands.

Without hesitance or shame he kisses Zayn like it is their last and he can sometimes feel Zayn smiling against his lips. They finally break apart when Liam starts to become a bit put off because Niall is making gagging noises beside them.

“I am so happy” Liam manages to squeak and Louis claps him on the shoulder, his own face giving his happiness away.

‘So am I’ Zayn signs and Liam startles. When did Zayn start to lip read him?

Zayn waggles his eyebrows at Liam.

‘A few weeks ago, and yes I do know you called me a prick a few days ago before you try and deny it’

Liam bursts out laughing and Harry lets out an indignant “Liam Payne what terrible language” but Liam doesn’t care.

Zayn’s life is about to change and Liam is going to be there for it.

~~

After the movie Zayn tells them that there is a downside. The operation will not be until next year.

“Even if it was in five years we would be delighted for you Zayn” Niall tells him, looking at his friend fondly and Liam hides his affectionate smile.

‘It is so weird; I am actually going to know what you guys sound like’ Zayn grins and proceeds to guess that Louis has a deep voice which the guys crack up laughing at.

Liam is thinking a million different things in his head but he keeps coming back to Sam. What if she could get something like that done? Not only would Zayn’s life change for the better but so would hers. He is dying to ring his mum to tell her the story but remembers with a sinking stomach that he has not even told her that Zayn is his boyfriend yet.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Zayn nudges Liam’s knee with his own when Niall, Harry and Louis are in the middle of a heated argument about which wrestler from WWE is the best.

‘Too many things’ Liam admits with a stressed laugh.

‘You always worry too much’ Zayn smiles at him and steals a peck on the lips.

‘Do you want to come with me to my parents’ house on Sunday?’ Liam asks, suddenly a ball of nerves.

‘As in… to meet them meet them?’ Zayn asks with a knowing look in his eye and Liam nods.

‘Bring it on’ Zayn smirks and their conversation is interrupted when Niall ends up grabbing Louis in a headlock shouting “The Undertaker is the best” over and over until Liam ends up having to pull them apart and put on a Disney movie to calm them down.

~~

On Sunday Liam is facing his wardrobe again with anxiety. He pulls out about ten different shirts and holds them against himself in the mirror. He settles on a bright blue plaid shirt and dark jeans. He almost shrieks when he hears a knock at the door. Zayn looks almost as nervous as Liam feels. He is wearing a black shirt and dark chinos and looks and smells so good that Liam wants to forget about visiting his parents.

‘Do I look ok?’ Zayn asks, looking Liam over.

Liam blushes at the thoughts he was just having and nods his head reassuringly.

It’s not like this is Zayn’s first time meeting his family. He has met them on numerous occasions but always as Liam’s friend. Never his boyfriend.

There was one time when Zayn was lying naked asleep in his bed and Liam was standing near the bedroom door nervously for a whole hour as his mother talked to him about their neighbour Aggy who had just left her eighty year old husband for a younger man in Las Vegas.

Apart from that, they had no idea what was going on between them. Liam was sure they would welcome Zayn as his boyfriend warmly but he could not help the nerves that ate at him.

‘Let’s go’ he says and kisses Zayn softly before grabbing his hand and leaving the apartment.

Zayn tries to release Liam’s hand as they make their way up the path to Liam’s front door but Liam grips it firmly, nodding at Zayn when he turns to Liam with wide eyes.

When his mother answers the door they all glance at each other awkwardly until she breaks into a wide grin.

“I knew it” she breathes out and grabs out for the two of them and drags them into a bone-crushing hug.

“OK Mum, let go now please” Liam’s voice is muffled in her shoulder and she lets go of them, tears in her eyes.

“Wait until Sam finds out. And your father” she presses her hand against her lips and looks at them adoringly.

“Mum it is about to rain, let us in” Liam looks embarrassed but Zayn’s wide grin eases it off.

Sam bounds down the stairs and jumps into Liam’s arms when he finally has his coat off.

‘I missed you’ she tells him when Liam puts her back down and she offers Zayn a big hug too.

“Zayn is Liam’s boyfriend” their mother blurts out, obviously unable to keep it in for a moment longer.

Sam looks between the two, eyes wide but smile even wider.

‘I knew it’ she looks just as smug as Louis did and Liam realises with a groan that they would in fact be very good friends.

“Geoff, guess what love” his mother shouts into the kitchen and runs in, the sound of her and his father’s voices carrying out into the hallway.

Liam smothers his face in his hands but Zayn nudges him gently with his shoulder and Liam looks up into his grinning face.

During dinner Liam’s mother won’t stop staring at them with glistening eyes and his father keeps asking Zayn questions about his family and school. Sam watches them carefully but smiles warmly whenever Liam catches her eye.

Liam finally gets around to Zayn’s recent good news and his parents sit up in interest, a flicker of hope lighting their faces as they glance at Sam. She remains stoic, letting her parents be excited on her behalf. Liam knows her, knows that she is refusing to get her hopes up and feels such a strong surge of love for his little sister in that moment.

‘That’s great isn’t it Sam?’ their mother gushes after hugging Zayn tightly over the table, Zayn’s hoodie strings nearly falling into the casserole dish.

‘Yeah it is, I’m really happy for you Zayn’ Sam smiles at Zayn and her mother frowns slightly but leaves it at that.

“Now you make sure you come for dinner more often” Liam’s father scorns when Liam is on his way out the door with Zayn in tow.

“Sure will, just don’t scare him off” Liam mutters, scowling at his jacket sleeve with is refusing to go on his arm. Zayn reaches over and helps his arm into the sleeve before he is crushed in a massive hug from Liam’s mum. Again.

“Right mum leave him alone for God’s sake” Liam sighs and grabs Zayn’s hand, eager to drag him out the door.

‘See you soon’ Zayn tries to gesture, laughing as Liam pulls him down the path.

‘That was fun’ Zayn grins at Liam when they get to Liam’s apartment. Liam pouts but feels the warmth spreading around his insides, delighted at how the dinner went and how Zayn is reacting.

‘I know what can be more fun’ Liam closes his bedroom door after them and pushes a blushing Zayn down on his bed.

//

In college the Monday after his dinner at home, Liam can’t stop thinking about the conversation he and Zayn had that night. Zayn had admitted that he was slightly jealous at how Liam’s family had been so warm and calm about introducing Zayn as his boyfriend. When Zayn had come out to his parents, it took them a long time to adjust, his mother accepting it more willingly than his father. When he told them he was going out with Liam his mother seemed fine with it but his father has refused to meet him since.

Zayn had reassured him that his Dad would come around and would have to get over it eventually anyway. He would accept Liam and although he was trying to remain calm, Liam remembers with a tug in his heart the sad smile that lingered on Zayn’s face.

“Are you paying attention or what?” his friend Josh leans over the table and pokes his pen in Liam’s face.

“Sorry” Liam swats the pen away and Josh sidles over on the bench seat towards him.

“What’s going on with you lately, you’re always staring into space, is everything OK?” Josh frowns, chewing on the lid of the pen, his teeth making strange indents on the blue plastic.

“Yeah sorry, I just have some things going on” Liam smiles, trying to reassure Josh that he is definitely OK. He wants to actually tell Josh everything that is going on with Zayn, how perfect he is but Josh would only make gagging sounds and roll his eyes playfully. It makes him think with a fond smile that he would really get along with Niall.

“Who is he?” Josh sighs and Liam bites down on a smile.

“OI, keep quiet back there!” their professor snaps and Liam whispers a quiet “I’ll tell you later” before returning back to his notes.

After class Liam fills Josh in on everything as they walk home, well not in as much detail as Liam would prefer but Josh gets the jist.

“He sounds really great man, I’m happy for you!” Josh looks genuine and claps Liam on the shoulder.

“So, is he good in bed?” he asks Liam with a wicked grin and Liam blushes strongly, quiet offended by Josh’s question.

“You have not had sex yet?” Josh frowns and Liam looks up at a floating cloud with interest.

“Not really no” he admits but refuses to feel ashamed.

“Better get up on that if he really is as good looking as you say, or else he’ll be off looking for someone else”

Liam squawks in indignation.

“I’m joking Li, calm down. But seriously, why not yet?” Josh laughs and Liam actually does not know the answer to that question. He decides to ask Zayn later and pretends not to panic about what Josh said about Zayn leaving him for someone else.

~~

Of course he freezes up before he asks Zayn and Zayn tears his eyes away from the film they are watching and looks at Liam.

‘Spit it out’ he returns back to the television, knowing Liam needs time to think when he looks this anxious. Liam leans over and snatches the remote out of Zayn’s hands and switches the TV off. If he is going to do this he wants all of Zayn’s attention.

‘I was just wondering’ Liam starts but finishes, suddenly shy under Zayn’s thoughtful gaze. Zayn huffs out impatiently and repositions himself so he can see Liam clearly. They sit across from each other in the lotus position, knees touching and Liam hopes that Zayn can’t feel the way his tremble.

‘It’s about sex’

Liam punishes himself inwardly. He usually likes the fact that he has to communicate with Zayn physically; it enables him to keep from blurting out his thoughts as they come. It gives him time to think before he speaks but right now it seems that filter has disappeared.

‘And us having it’

He really wants the ground to swallow him up right now, especially when Zayn’s own face darkens and his eyes flash with what looks like embarrassment or worry. Liam is going with the first option. Zayn waves his hand abruptly, encouraging Liam to go on.

‘Well I mean, we have been going out a long time now and I just, I think it’s time we partook in said action’

Normal-Liam is screaming at him in his head, what the hell is wrong with him? Zayn is looking down at the space between his legs and gnawing on his lip. Liam grows more and more uncomfortable in the silence, more so because Zayn seems so uneasy. He looks up finally.

‘I’ve never had sex before’

Liam feels his jaw drop and his eyes widen. How in the hell is that possible. Zayn is what any person in their right mind gay or straight, would call a walking sex god.

‘Well who wants to have sex with a fucking deaf guy, I mean really? Nobody has ever really paid attention to me in that way, ever’

Zayn’s hands move rapidly and his embarrassment is evident, he is trying to hide it by being defensive.

‘I’m sure they have Zayn, it is hard not to notice you’

Zayn blushes at that but does not seem convinced and still gives off signs of feeling ashamed.

‘Anyway, it is nothing to be embarrassed about, I was just shocked is all’

‘What kind of nineteen year old is a virgin?’ Zayn looks angry now too and this is not how Liam wanted this to go at all.

‘A lot Zayn trust me, you are not the only one’

‘You’re not’

‘So? And wait, how do you know?’

Zayn raises his eyebrows and Liam fights back a laugh at how well Zayn knows him.

‘Well that is beside the point, do you want to or not?’ Liam asks, serious now and refusing to break eye contact with the embarrassed Zayn.

‘Of course I do you idiot’

‘Then why do you look so devastated, I’ve never seen someone so depressed about the idea of sex before’

Zayn laughs at that and punches Liam gently in the shoulder.

‘I just. I won’t have a clue what I’ll be doing and I will just be bad. You will probably hate it’

Liam sometimes wants to shake Zayn when he reveals his insecurities because he cannot wrap his head around them. He reaches over and cradles Zayn’s face in his hands.

“Trust me Zayn, I will not hate it, I will love it” he says out loud so Zayn can read his lips. Zayn frowns and Liam lets out a shaky breath and opens his mouth again, his voice barely a whisper. “And I love you”

Zayn’s frown deepens and he pulls out of Liam’s gentle grip.

‘What did you say?’

Liam panics. Why did he say that?! His eyes dart around the room for some kind of inspiration for a cover-up but they land back on Zayn’s. Zayn obviously knew what he said. There was no point in lying.

He lifts his right hand to his eye. Then he spreads both hands across his chest, shifting his left hand slightly so it rests against his heart where he holds it there for a few seconds. He then points his shaky index finger directly at Zayn whose dark eyes are wide.

He breathes in and out heavily for a moment, scared of what Zayn will do. He might jump off the couch and disappear forever, leaving Liam alone in a life of misery.

His stomach bubbles when Zayn mirrors Liam’s movements. His hands are shaking and his eyes are shining with what Liam realises with a twist in his gut are tears. When he ends the sentiment they look at each other, unsure and hopeful and both so in love that it makes Liam want to either burst out crying or lunge himself at the older boy.

He dares to let himself smile and Zayn follows suit. 

He tells him he loves him again and Zayn repeats it, his whole face lighting up. Liam’s heart feels like it is trying to burst out of his chest and he grips Zayn’s shoulders tightly, dragging him in for a kiss which keeps breaking when they can’t help but smile against each other’s lips.

//

 

Liam tries to ask as many people as he can think for help. He wants to know how to make the night as special as he can for Zayn. He does not ask Josh because Josh does not know Zayn, Harry is a definite no-no and he thinks of how rosy Niall’s cheeks will become at the mere mention of sex.

So with a resigned sigh Liam calls Louis.

“Payne, what is it?” Louis greets him after the second ring but his voice is warm.

“Um, I need help”

He hears Louis sigh. “What have you done or what has Zayn done?”

“Nothing. It’s what we are going to do, if you get me”

There is a silence and Louis tries to figure out what Liam could be referring to.

“Oh… OOOOH”

Liam nearly hangs up, mortified as he hears Louis snide smirk through his tone. The older boy laughs and Liam immediately reconsiders asking Niall.

“Well what do you need help with, do you need me to show you how to do it?”

Liam slaps himself on the forehead.

“No Louis, I am perfectly fine with that aspect. It’s just, Zayn isn’t and I want to make it-“

He does not want to say special as he is pretty certain that Louis will find great amusement in that.

“You want to make it special?” Louis sounds strangely serious and Liam nods his head, certain the boy will know.

“Liam, Zayn treats you like the sun shines out of your arse, you could bring him to a dirty old motel and he would cry with happiness”

Liam fights the smile off his face.

“Louis I’m serious”

“And so am I! Stop freaking yourself out, you don’t need to do anything special, just be gentle with him”

Liam supposes Louis is right, he is overthinking things.

“Don’t unleash the beast just yet, know what I’m saying” the usual Louis returns and Liam promptly hangs up before he can say any more.

He returns back to his studying, incapable on focusing on the notes in front of him as he thinks of this evening and what could or could not happen.

//

Liam takes Zayn out to dinner. OK, it is not fancy, just a small diner near his apartment. He can hardly eat though, he feels so nervous. It does not help that Zayn decides to order a hotdog, Liam hating himself for the thoughts that gives him as Zayn innocently eats.

‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ Zayn asks, looking at Liam’s half-eaten burger.

‘Just don’t feel that hungry, I had a big lunch’ Liam lies and wants to give out to Zayn for looking and smelling so good.

Zayn shrugs and leans over, grabbing Liam’s burger and eating it for himself.

They spend an hour in Liam’s flat cleaning the kitchen because Liam is too afraid to do anything else, procrastinating as usual.

‘You are acting so weird Liam’ Zayn stops him from scrubbing the countertop for the fifth time.

Liam looks at Zayn, looks at his hand on his wrist, how his light skin matches Zayn’s so beautifully. He looks at Zayn’s ridiculously long eyelashes each time he blinks. He looks at the way Zayn’s shirt is unbuttoned to the third button, his chest flaunting itself to Liam.

He grabs Zayn’s hips and flips him around against the counter, bringing their lips together in a hungry kiss. He presses into Zayn’s space, their legs opening to allow each other in and Zayn’s hands roam Liam’s back, squeezing slightly when Liam bites down on his bottom lip.

Liam pulls away and looks at Zayn whose brown eyes have darkened considerably.

“Do you want to do this” Liam speaks, unwilling to take his hands off Zayn’s hips.

Zayn nods nervously and leans back in again for another kiss. Zayn’s nervousness disappears momentarily as he pulls Liam even closer towards him, Liam slotting in between Zayn’s legs perfectly. He separates their mouths to bite and kiss his way down Liam’s neck, eliciting huffed moans from Liam’s mouth.

Liam moves his hands up Zayn’s chest, unbuttoning his shirt as he goes. Without breaking contact, Liam slides the unnecessary fabric from Zayn’s chest and ghosts his fingers over the tattoo that decorates Zayn’s hip.

Zayn returns the favour and continues his assault of Liam’s skin down his chest which has started to heave up and down due to his lack of breath.

Liam loops his fingers through Zayn’s belt loops and starts to back them towards Liam’s bedroom which he had made sure was impeccable. Zayn is smiling in between kisses, impressed with Liam’s direction. He knows how to follow along, how to slide his hands into Liam's neat hair and let himself be led into the room. Liam turns him around first and pushes him down onto the soft mattress, smiling slightly even as his eyes glisten dark with lust.

Liam looms over Zayn, taking him in. He looks stunning, looking up at Liam with lustful apprehension, leaning up on his elbows making the muscles of his arms strain against his skin. He leans down to bring their lips together and noses his way down Zayn’s body, making quick work of his jeans. Liam takes his off before climbing on top of Zayn entirely and pressing himself down onto him.

He manoeuvres his body with Zayn’s, falling into the usual pattern, the grooves of each other’s bodies slotting together perfectly. This time however, Liam has a different target. After another hungry kiss, Liam rolls his hips against Zayn’s, drawing out a low moan from the older boy.

Zayn’s hands snake around Liam’s back and his fingers slide under the hem of Liam’s boxers, tugging them slightly, signifying what he wants. Liam leans up and raises an eyebrow, a dirty blush colouring Zayn’s cheeks but he tugs again, this time impatiently.

Liam nibbles on Zayn’s collarbone before leaning up, his knees either side of Zayn’s thighs and slides his boxers off, wanting to smile at how Zayn’s widen like they normally do. He slides further up Zayn’s body until his knees are at either side of his torso. He reaches his arms back and keeps his eyes on Zayn. Without looking back, Liam slips Zayn’s boxers off and Zayn groans, hips bucking just slightly.

He tries to sit up to meet Liam’s lips but Liam pushes him back down and teases Zayn by taking his time going back to his original position. Zayn huffs out impatient breaths and he tries to use his hands to make Liam move faster.

Liam signs at him to stop and Zayn scowls at him until Liam finally laughs gently, slotting once more against Zayn and kissing his chest. Zayn’s hands are tangled in Liam’s hair and his breathing is filling the room, making Liam grow harder.

He finally has enough of teasing and looks up at Zayn, conveying his next plan of action with his eyes and Zayn’s grow wide with both anxiety and excitement, the variety of brown colours never failing to make Liam’s heart tug.

He leans over until he reaches his bedside locker and his tongue juts out in concentration as he roots around the drawer, finally landing on what he was looking for.

“Have you done this before?” Liam asks, eying the bottle of lube in his hand.

Zayn removes his vice like grip on Liam’s hips. ‘To myself, yes’ he admits and Liam’s mind runs riot with mental images which he tries in vain to block out.

He applies a generous amount on his fingers and keeps his eyes on Zayn’s, intent on knowing if it becomes too much. He hooks Zayn’s leg around his waist and gently eases a finger downwards, seeing Zayn bite his lip and shut his eyes in anticipation.

Liam slides one finger in and Zayn’s hips jump up from the bed and his eyes snap open, a strangled sound coming out of his mouth. Liam is inspired by the reaction and pulls it in and out for a few more seconds before adding another one.

Zayn’s reactions are positively filthy and Liam commits them all to memory. He can't help but smile at the way Zayn's eyelashes silhouette against his cheekbones and the scrunch in the sheets were Zayn’s hands ball up the fabric.

‘Another’ Zayn manages to sign, his hands now moving to his own hair, pushing it back off his forehead.

Liam bites back a moan and adds another, Zayn gasping in a long draught at the sensation. Liam crooks his fingers slightly, still afraid he might hurt Zayn, but Zayn ruts up and slams his hand down on the bed, spurring Liam on.

They continue like this for a while, Liam loosening Zayn up and helping him relax. That stops when Zayn’s other leg wraps around Liam’s waist and his hands grab onto Liam’s shoulders. His pupils are blown dark and the look he gives Liam can surely only mean one thing.

Liam bites down on his lip. He licks the indents his teeth left and Zayn’s eyes follow the movement of his tongue and Liam feels fingernails digging into his skin. He laughs at Zayn’s impatience but rips the foil of the condom and puts it on quickly, looking at Zayn sheepishly for permission. Zayn answers his silent question by pulling Liam down and kissing him harshly.

Liam grabs at Zayn’s thighs that rest against his ribs to brace himself. Without looking away from Zayn who is short of breath already, Liam eases himself inside Zayn slowly. Zayn gasps and his fingers clench on Liam’s collarbone. Liam pushes in even further when Zayn does not raise protest and soon finds himself filling Zayn up to the hilt.

Zayn is letting out the smallest of noises that do terrible things to Liam’s self-control. He trembles with the effort of not just letting go and fucking Zayn into the mattress. Zayn shifts his hips, wanting Liam to move more. Liam pulls out and then back in, looking down at Zayn with slight worry in case he is hurting him. Zayn just frowns and digs his heels into Liam’s back.

Liam moves with a steady rhythm, not wanting to go too fast, easing Zayn into the feeling gently. It’s good, it’s nice. The way Zayn squirms under him, lets out little gasps and moans that he himself cannot hear. But he wants more and he is pretty sure Zayn won’t protest.

Liam grips Zayn’s thighs tightly and lifts them up higher, angling them differently and pushes into Zayn hard and fast, making him cry out. His eyes are blown wide but he smiles up at Liam dirtily. That is enough for Liam and he keeps it up, fucking Zayn hard and fast, they two of them starting to sweat and the two of them moaning loudly into the air.

Liam feels close but refuses to let go first. Zayn starts to tap Liam on the shoulder and presses his lips closes, whining against them. Liam reaches down and takes Zayn in his hand, only having to pump three times before Zayn cums into his hand and lets out a long, quiet moan. The feeling of him tensing around Liam is enough for him and he soon lets out a moan of his own and cums inside Zayn.

When they both come down off the high, Liam pulls out and flops down beside Zayn whose chest is rising and falling rapidly. They both lie on their backs looking up at the ceiling and Zayn turns his head to look at Liam.

‘That was’ he stops, unable to come up with something to say.

Liam rolls over so he is half on top of Zayn and leans into him.

“Amazing” he says against Zayn’s lips and feels the smile in reciprocation and Zayn wraps his arms around Liam until they fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

//

That Saturday Niall asks them all over to hang out because he has a free house. Everyone knows it is because he gets scared on his own but he pretends it is for a ‘party’.

When Liam and Zayn walk in hand in hand, Louis makes a beeline for Liam, a mischievous glint in his eye and Liam tries to run away.

“Oooooh Liiiaaam?” Louis chases him into the living room and shuts the door after the two of them, back against the door so Liam cannot escape.

Liam gives up and stands in front of Louis.

“Well?” Louis asks, folding his arms across his chest.

“Well what?” Liam asks but the colour of his face gives everything away that he knows full well what Louis is on about.

“Did you take our Zayn’s precious virginity?” Louis chides and laughs at Liam’s embarrassed coughing.

“Yes, I did” he states knowing he will not be allowed to leave until he answers honestly. Louis suddenly becomes serious.

“And? How was it?”

“Jesus Louis, do you want all the details?”

Louis levels him with a look.

“It was good ok? Now please let me leave”

“Only good?”

They are interrupted when the front door slams open and a loud Harry makes his presence known. Liam notices how Louis snaps to attention at the younger boy’s shouts.

“Listen, as long as Zayn is happy so am I, I am just looking out for him” Louis says and Liam smiles, glad for Louis’ protective side.

“You better go out to Harry before he tears the place apart looking for you” Liam smirks and Louis flips him off but runs out the room regardless.

Liam shakes his head but can’t fight the grin off his face and goes to join the rest of the boys in the kitchen.

Harry and Niall are rummaging through the fridge as Louis sits on the counter, kicking Harry’s arse every time he bends down to look in the freezer.

“Where is Zayn?” Liam asks, noticing the absence of his boyfriend.

“He went to check his e-mail on Niall’s computer seen as his broke last week” Louis explains, kicking Harry particularly hard so he face plants the frozen pizzas. 

“Right let’s play Mario Kart” Niall says, his hands and arms full of various foods and stalks into the living room, expecting Harry to follow him with more food and drinks. Liam and Louis follow suit and find themselves lost in a competitive game of Rainbow Road.

After a few rounds, Liam has come last each time much to Niall’s delight when he realises Zayn has still not returned. He exits the room and travels down the corridor to Niall’s room where he finds Zayn sitting at Niall’s computer, typing furiously.

“Liam makes his presence known by placing a tentative hand on Zayn’s shoulder. The boy jumps in his seat but does not turn to check who it is, he knows Liam’s touch by heart.

Liam kneels down so he can look at what Zayn is so focused on and sees a torrent of e-mails back and forth between a certain Dr Mona Lyman. Liam has no idea who she is but the look on Zayn’s face tells Liam he should have an instant dislike for the woman.

‘What is it?’ Liam asks but Zayn ignores him, tapping the keys like they are his worst enemy.

Liam tries to shake Zayn’s shoulder but that only appears to annoy him even further. Liam’s impatience gets the better of him and he wiggles his away between the computer screen and the chair, blocking Zayn’s view of the screen completely. He puts on his best angry face and waits for Zayn to either push him out of the way or give out to him. Or hopefully tell him what is going on.

Zayn’s angry frown softens at the sight of Liam trying in vain to be angry and his shoulders relax.

‘The doctor for my implant surgery is confusing me’ Zayn finally explains, the tension returning to his posture as he tells Liam. Liam just waits for Zayn to continue.

‘I mean, they told me my operation would be scheduled for April some time, now she is saying they might have to wait even longer and she won’t tell me why’

‘Here let me see’ Liam turns around and skims through the emails. He frowns in confusion at some of them, she certainly is withholding information from Zayn, avoiding his questions as to why he cannot have his operation when he is supposed to.

‘Just demand she tell you! It’s your operation, you have the right to know’ Liam turns back around and Zayn gnaws his bottom lip nervously. He reaches over Liam’s shoulders to type the e-mail and Liam carefully watches the reflection in Zayn’s eyes as he types his message. He can tell Zayn feels slightly guilty for being so demanding but they both know it is the right way to behave.

Zayn sends it and nuzzles into Liam’s neck, sighing impatiently and causing a flurry of goose bumps to rise up on Liam’s skin.

Harry shouts from down in the living room something about Niall being an asshole and Liam jumps at the noise. Zayn separates himself from Liam and looks up at the screen where a new e-mail is waiting for him.

‘She says that she has a long waiting list and that I am not a priority’ Zayn tells Liam, a blatant look of hurt shining in his eyes. This hits a nerve somewhere within Liam and he stands up abruptly.

‘What are this woman’s contact details?’ Liam asks, pacing the floor and scaring Zayn a little. Zayn clicks on a link and points at a webpage where her phone number glares up at them from the screen. Liam memorises it and storms out of the room and into the kitchen where the phone is.

He feels Zayn following and turns his back on him, leaning into the wall where Zayn cannot lip read. The phone rings at least ten times before someone answers.

“Hello, Dr Lyman’s office?” A gruff voice comes through the line.

“I’d like to speak to Dr Lyman please” Liam asks and feels Zayn tugging persistently at his elbow. He waves his arm in the air to try and get Zayn away but the older boy will not let up.

“Can I ask who is calling?”

“No”

There is a huff of an indignant breath through the line and then a short “hold please” before an opera song starts to blare through the receiver. The door from the living opens and Niall walks in, a glass of coke in hand, looking at Liam and Zayn curiously. Zayn is grabbing at Liam’s arm while Liam looks like he is trying to walk through the wall, holding the house phone to his ear.

“What’s going on?” he asks and Liam peers around his shoulder, smiling sheepishly at Niall. Before he can answer the opera song is turned off and he is taken off hold.

“Hello, Dr Lyman speaking?”

“I’m calling on behalf of Zayn Malik” Liam says shortly, not liking the voice of the woman on the phone.

“Oh ok, and who may you be?”

“I’m his… brother” Liam decides, knowing she won’t give any information to someone who is not family. He hears Niall mutter a “that’s gross” but ignores it and continues ignoring Zayn.

“Right, and what is your enquiry?”

“Well, frankly, I am wondering why you have decided that a year is not a long enough time to wait for quite an important operation and also why he is not a priority?”

There is a silence on the other line and Zayn tugging at his elbow and the feel of more than Niall’s eyes on his neck; each making him feel even angrier.

“I mean, we understand why he had to wait a long time for you to set it all up and all that but by now you should be ready for him and he should almost definitely be a priority. You have yet to explain why you are trying to push his operation back by another few months”

He hears what sounds like Louis gasp behind him and presses his ear further into the phone.

“Well Mr Malik, Zayn is a special case and we need to prepare everything precisely, no mistakes. And we need to make sure that he can pay the full funds before we can go on with the treatment”

Liam’s jaw twitches.

“This is about money?”

“Excuse me Mr Malik?”

Liam tightens his grip around the phone.

“His- Our parents are taking care of it, what is the problem?”

“Well to be honest with you, they are taking their time with the full payment, they still owe us two thousand pounds”

“And they will have it!! This does not mean that his procedure needs to be put back! It’s not like we are going to run away as soon as he gets it so he can’t pay” Liam shouts, no shred of patience left in him.

“Calm down sir! We need the full payment and then he can get his operation” The woman’s voice is shrill and it sends Liam into a fury.

“I’ll be ringing you again tomorrow after I talk to his- my parents and you bet your arse you will be operating on him when you are supposed to, no later” Liam practically roars down the phone and hangs up, not wanting to hear any more of her bullshit.

He catches his breath before turning around. Zayn is staring at him in both confusion and annoyance, the other three boys are all leaning against the kitchen counter top looking at Liam with wide eyes.

‘Um, hello, care to tell me what just happened?’ Zayn hurries, taking in Liam’s angry face.

‘It’s nothing, you will be having your operation in April, don’t worry’

Zayn looks utterly lost now and Liam waves him off with an ‘I’ll tell you later’.

“Jesus Liam, I never knew you had that in you” Harry shouts, beaming at Liam in awe. Louis sniggers and Niall cackles.

“You bet your arse you will be operating on him when you are supposed to” Louis impersonates sending Harry and Niall into fits of laughter and Liam nearly laughs, amused now at his own outburst.

‘Wait, you said that to her?’ Zayn looks bewildered and Liam nods his head slowly, suddenly nervous that it was not his place to sort out Zayn’s problems for him.

Zayn just bursts out laughing and swipes a kiss from Liam, laughing along with the others who continue mocking Liam’s anger for the rest of the night.

~~

That night Liam rings Zayn’s house, without telling Zayn. He explains to Zayn’s mother the problem with Dr Lyman and she sounds extremely upset.

“It is so expensive and we have been trying to pay as much as we can, it is not fair that they are trying to force him to wait” she sighs and Liam sits in silence, waiting to hear what more she might have to say.

“It’s hard because Zayn’s father seems reluctant to pay” she finally admits in a small voice and for the second time in one day Liam’s temper flares.

“What do you mean?” he asks, looking at himself in Niall’s bathroom mirror where he is hiding and not liking the stormy expression on his face. She remains quiet but Liam does not need her to tell him anything.

“It’s because of me” he whispers, his stomach nearly emptying from the guilt eating at it.

“Oh no darling it’s not-“

“Don’t lie”

Again, silence and Liam’s eyes start to well with tears.

“No, please don’t blame yourself ok, we can pay for it, don’t worry” she tries to comfort him but Liam ignores it.

“This is awful, Zayn needs this operation! I shouldn’t be the reason it is being made less possible”

“Listen to me Liam” Zayn’s mother is suddenly stern, “We are going to pay it, you or Zayn have done nothing wrong so stop worrying, that is my job ok?! I just need you to be there for him which I am more than confident you will be, now please love, let me take care of this”

Liam sighs and nods miserably, hanging the phone up and letting it drop onto the windowsill. He starts to panic, has he possibly ruined Zayn’s chances for an operation? What if Zayn’s Dad refuses to pay? What if what if what if?

Before he can fall into a full panic attack there is a sharp knock at the door.

“You ok in there mate?” Louis calls from the outside.

“Yeah, I’ll be out now” Liam calls and splashes his pale face with water before leaving the bathroom.

“You sure you are ok?” Louis asks, eyes narrowing at Liam’s pale complexion. Liam nods and gives his best smile to Louis who seems satisfied and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door after him.

Liam re-joins the others in the living room and plonks down beside Zayn, trying to ignore the guilt that coils in his stomach when Zayn rests his head on Liam’s shoulders after smiling up at him with all the love he could muster.

//

For the next week Liam is in a constant state of anxiety, sure that he has been the ruin of Zayn and his future. It does not take long for the always observant Zayn to pick up on Liam’s sudden change in mood. On a quiet Thursday night in, he brings it up.

‘What is wrong and do not even try lying to me’ he says, a serious expression on his face, letting Liam know that he is in no mood for lies or excuses.

Liam twiddles his thumbs trying to come up with an excellent excuse in less than two seconds but he fails and a cloudy expression of guilt covers his face.

‘I am just worried about your operation’ Liam admits and watches Zayn sigh heavily.

‘I told you to stop worrying about that’ he frowns.

‘I can’t help it’

Liam feels the usual rush of anger when he thinks about Zayn’s father.

‘Why are you still worried? You said Dr Lyman agreed to proceeding with the operation’

Liam lets out a heavy breath, he knows he has to tell Zayn the real reason, he can’t keep it from him any longer. Without taking in Zayn’s expression, which he is sure will break his heart, he tells him all about the problem with the money and Zayn’s father.

When he finishes, Liam finally looks up and Zayn is now the one looking down. Liam watches his hair move as his face twitches with apparent anger.

Then, Zayn stands up abruptly, fixing the crease in his shirt, looking oddly calm. Liam is about to ask him what he is doing when Zayn holds out his hand to help Liam stand up.

‘Where are we going?’ Liam asks when he is on his feet, suddenly nervous at Zayn’s calm stature.

Zayn just laces their hands together and walks out Liam’s door, dragging the confused boy after him. As they walk, Liam tries to dissect in Zayn’s expression but cannot see past the calm. The contrast in their behaviours unnerves him.

What unnerves him even further is when they start to inch closer to Zayn’s car. Liam has to stop him then and nearly tumbles over with the force.

‘What are you doing?’ he asks, moving further into the path as cars travel past, wheels splashing in the puddles that were left over from the terrible weather they’ve been having.

‘Going to my house, hurry up before it starts to rain’ Zayn answers and Liam gawks at the happy face of his boyfriend.

‘Zayn, seriously what is going on?’ Liam refuses to move even when he feels drops of the predicted rain on his hair.

‘I’m going home’ Zayn states as if it is an obvious answer.

‘But I just told you that about your father and you are acting like everything is ok’ Liam starts to tremble slightly, the cold rain falling heavily and seeping into his clothes.

‘Come on Liam, we are both soaking’ Zayn grabs his hand again and Liam watches with confused fascination as the water drops off Zayn’s black hair and down his still peaceful face.

They quickly walk to Zayn’s car, jumping in out of the torrent of rain. Liam turns up the heat and the radio as Zayn quickly drives to his house. Liam focuses on the music and the way the windscreen wipers match the rhythm of the song. It distracts him form the sudden anxiety coursing through him.

When they arrive, the rain is coming in a steady downpour so they rush in the door where they gratefully meet the warmth inside the Malik home. Zayn’s mother comes out of the kitchen, nosy as to who just walked in her front door.

“Boys, what a pleasant surprise I was not expecting you! Come on in out of the cold” She greets them warmly and ushers them into the living room where a hearty fire is blazing.

“Would you like some dinner?” she asks, handing them both towels to dry off.

‘Is Dad here?’ Zayn ignores her question to ask one of his own. He runs the towel through his hair, messing it up and then over his face, removing any evidence of it having been raining outside.

She frowns and nods. “He is in his office where he normally is” she answers slowly, glancing between both Liam and Zayn.

Zayn moves to the door and looks back when Liam does not follow him.

‘Come on’ he raises his eyebrows expectantly at the now scared looking Liam. Zayn’s mother does not speak but her expression matches Liam’s. A little scared but more than anything; confused.

‘I have not got all day’ Zayn starts to open the door and Liam has no choice but to follow him.

They travel up the stairs and Liam’s heart beats faster with each step. He has walked past Zayn’s father’s office countless times, never daring to even stop outside the thick mahogany door. He nearly dies out of sheer terror when Zayn just strolls in without even knocking, grabbing Liam’s hand on his way.

The office has walls that are unpainted, no sign of decoration with just a simple table facing the far wall. A swanky computer sits on the table and Zayn’s father sits in the red swivel chair facing the bright glare of the screen, moving the chair slightly with his hips as he types. He looks up in surprise when Zayn and Liam walk in.

Liam notes the twitch in his eyebrow when he looks at Liam and Zayn’s interlaced hands and the way his hands grip the arms of the chair.

“You knock before you enter my office” he has too firm a grip on his chair to speak with his hands and Liam feels Zayn’s own grip strengthen around his hand. He releases him then to speak to his annoyed looking father.

‘Do you have some sort of problem with me Dad?’ Zayn asks and Liam wishes he could just bolt out the door.

Zayn’s Dad blanches at the question and his eyes flit around the room, suddenly uncomfortable.

‘Well?’ Zayn repeats, his expression starting to change from calm to stormy.

“Zayn, you know how I feel about your…. Phase”

Liam nearly growls with anger at his choice of words and he spots Zayn’s sudden change in posture. He straightens up and his eyes narrow.

‘And you know how I feel about you calling it that’

“Well son, I don’t know what to tell you, I am not having this discussion again, especially not in company” he looks at Liam then and there is something cold in the man’s eyes that makes Liam shiver.

‘Why are you not paying for my operation?’ Zayn asks and his father’s face drains of its colour.

“What?” he hisses, now looking at Liam as if he had worded the question.

‘Do you think that I have no idea what happens with my own operation?’ Zayn huffs out a laugh, as if to ridicule his father. He receives no answer and Liam shuffles awkwardly.

‘I know you are trying to punish me Dad but it won’t work’

Zayn’s father suddenly looks very small in his chair and the atmosphere in the room is thick with emotion. Anger, sadness, pity.

‘If you choose not to pay for it and I can’t get it, it is not going to change who I am. The only thing it will accomplish is that I will still be deaf. You don’t want that either Dad, I know I embarrass you. Your stupid deaf son’

Zayn’s hands are shaking and Liam wants nothing more than to reach out and grab them until he calms down and returns to his normal self. But he remains still, waiting for the argument to continue, hoping Zayn will find it within himself to remain as calm as possible.

‘I love Liam and you can’t change that and never will. I have told you that. Not paying for this operation which will change my life is not going to change my life choices. I will never be what you want me to be. And I love you too Dad, why can’t you just accept me?’

Zayn’s father who had started off with an angry expression has now morphed into one of sadness and what Liam thinks may be regret.

‘Don’t do this to me, don’t do it to my mother’ Zayn says and a tear runs down his cheek which he quickly wipes away. Liam can’t help it; he wraps an arm around Zayn and keeps a tight grip on him, watching Zayn’s face twist into a sad smile at the feel of Liam’s support.

Liam tears his eyes away and looks again towards Zayn’s father who is sitting silently in his chair, tears brimming in his eyes. Liam flinches slightly when the man stands up, somehow expecting to feel a fist connect with his face.

Instead, he feels Zayn being tugged out of his grip and watches in shock as father and son embrace in a tight hug. Liam feels a lump rise in his throat as he watches Zayn’s dad crying, holding onto his son for dear life.

“I’m so sorry” he says to Liam over Zayn’s head and Liam offers a watery smile of acceptance back, allowing himself to smile when he sees Zayn’s grinning face turn toward him.

Liam slips out of the room, deciding to leave them alone to talk and joins the family in the kitchen where they are normally gathering around the oven.

Zayn’s mother frowns at Liam’s teary but happy face.

“Is everything ok?” she asks, worry etched all over her.

“Everything is wonderful” Liam answers honestly, the weight on his shoulders disappearing and smiles as she hands him a knife and a pepper, cutting it with a cheery whistle.

~~

That night, for the first time, Liam finds himself enjoying the company of Zayn’s father. He answers his questions and laughs at his jokes, enjoying the way Zayn squeezes his knee encouragingly under the table.

After the meal, Zayn’s father says a toast in honour of Zayn’s impending operation and everyone raises their glass with a cheer. It is the best Liam has felt in some time and Zayn’s constant smile reassures him of this.

In Zayn’s bedroom later that night when everyone is asleep, Liam looks sideways at Zayn who is propped against the headboard, deeply immersed in a book. Zayn’s own eyes flit to the side and he catches Liam’s gaze. He places the book attentively down on his lap and turns his head to face him properly.

“Why did you bring me today?” Liam asks aloud, his hands too comfortable under Zayn’s warm quilt.

Zayn pauses a moment, teeth worrying his bottom lip as he considers his answer.

‘I wanted my Dad to realise how serious I was about you I suppose. And I wanted you there with me, I needed you close to me’ Zayn admits, a slight blush colouring his cheeks at the confession.

Liam’s answer is a wide grin that is seemingly contagious, making a wide smile spread across Zayn’s face.

“So is everything ok then? He is going to pay for your operation”

Zayn nods his head eagerly, his smile growing wider.

‘And probably our wedding’ Zayn jokes, flicking Liam’s nose fondly.

“What if my singing is actually terrible and you can’t stand it so dump me?” Liam asks a fake pout on his face.

‘I am sure that is the last thing I will do’

Zayn’s expression is suddenly serious and he props himself up on one elbow, lowering himself so he can kiss Liam. Their lips connect like usual, perfectly slotting together. Zayn kisses him languidly and Liam swears he can feel all the emotions from today pouring from Zayn into him. He gladly accepts them, wanting to protect Zayn from any painful feelings forever.

They kiss like that for a long time. Slowly and passionately until the only emotion left travelling between them is pure lust. They don’t have sex, too paranoid to do so in Zayn’s family home but they both make sure the other is satisfied in some way and fall asleep completely comfortable and liberated in each other’s arms. 

//

 

In the weeks coming up to Zayn’s operation, there are several tests he needs to take. They are prepping him for the procedure and they do constant checks that he is still eligible. Liam attends each one and often tags Sam along with them. She has started to show quite an interest in the impending operation.

On one particular day, Niall has also tagged along after deciding that spending seven hours a day on his X Box was becoming unhealthy. Zayn’s car was almost packed, what with Niall bringing his guitar and tying it into the middle seat with the seatbelt.

Zayn and Sam are oblivious to the noise of Liam and Niall blasting the radio and Niall sticking his head out the window to sing along to whatever Britney classic that was on. Zayn keeps looking back and laughing and Sam is regarding Niall with a look of utter awe.

They come to a traffic jam in a tunnel on the busy motorway. The signal of the radio is faulty so Niall loosens the belt around his guitar and begins to strum on it subconsciously. During a heated debate with Zayn about whether to take the next exit or not, Liam catches Sam’s reflection in the mirror.

She is watching Niall intently as he plucks at the strings and hums along to a song. He looks at Niall whose focus is entirely on the guitar, lost in the music. Sam’s expression makes Liam’s breath cut short. She looks sad and that is something Liam hates that more than anything. Zayn stops trying to catch Liam’s attention and tries to figure out what he is looking at. He leans over in his seat to look in Liam’s line of sight.

Liam shoves him off with a laugh, not wanting to dwell on Sam’s apparent sadness any longer.

~~

When Zayn is in the doctors, Liam, Sam and Niall are patiently waiting in the waiting room. Well on Liam’s part anyway. Niall has been to and from the vending machine for the past ten minutes, having a lot of trouble deciding what he wants.

‘You know there is a café downstairs’ Sam finally tells him after he lands a particularly painful looking punch into the machine. Niall’s face lights up and he gives her the thumbs up before legging it towards the stairs.

Liam glances at his younger sister through the side of his eyes. She is flicking through a magazine, looking anything but sad. As usual. But Liam can’t shake the image of her in the car. Looking at Niall as if he had given her devastating news.

With a sigh he turns to face her, distracting her from an inappropriate article she had been looking at. He frowns at her when she blushes and shuts the magazine quickly.

‘What?!’ she tries to appear innocent, her wide brown eyes matching Liam’s in colour and intensity.

‘Nothing. Listen, is everything ok?’ he asks, levelling her with a serious look.

She nods her head slowly, as if she is trying to think of anything that could be triggering Liam to ask her this question.

‘It’s just in the car, you’ Liam stops. Maybe he had just been too observant; it could have been the trick of the light. Sam looks at him expectantly. Well her eyes convey her expectancy; it is always her eyes he reads.

He definitely was not wrong in the car. Her eyes were what gave here away.

‘You seemed upset over something when Niall was playing the guitar’

Her face moves with realisation.

‘Oh yeah, it was nothing’ she waves him off and tries to open the magazine again. He lays a hand gently on top of it and catches her eye. He gives her his best older brother look and her shoulders sag. He has her.

“Tell me” he whispers and her eyes watch him.

‘But it is stupid’

Again, an older brother look. She sighs and glares at Liam half-heartedly.

‘It’s just… I wish I could have heard Niall playing the guitar that time is all’ she shuffles in the plastic seats, sending an unnerving noise into the silent room. Liam is reminded of the time when Zayn had asked Liam what music was like.

‘He seems to really love it. Like the way I know you love singing, the two of you look so happy simply singing along to a song’

Liam thinks about it. To him, music is music. Sure he would not be able to live without it but he mulls Sam’s words over in his head. Niall always sings with a grin. Louis hums with a little snap to his hips and loud laughter. Harry shouts the words to songs as if it will be his last. Liam must smile too, each time he opens his mouth to let out a melody.

Sam and Zayn really are missing out on the power of music and it makes a lump rise in his throat. Zayn will have the ability to hear music soon enough, but Sam?

He sits up in his seat when an idea comes to his mind. He sends a quick text to his mum and grins widely at his sister who looks confused at her brother’s sudden erratic behaviour.

‘What are you up to?’ she asks, noticing the rare mischievous glint in his eye.

If he wanted to answer, which he didn’t, he would have been interrupted by Niall anyway. The blonde came thundering up the stairs with four bags of crisps, four sandwiches and cans of coke all resting in his arms.

“A little help here” he says through a bag of crisps which he is gripping onto with his teeth.

Liam jumps off the seat, keen to avoid Sam’s stare and grabs a few cans and sandwiches. Niall plonks down beside Sam and hands her her food. She accepts it gratefully but continues her accusing stares towards Liam over her bag of Doritos.

“What have you done?” Niall asks Liam, eying Sam with a fearful look on his face.

Again, before Liam can answer, the door to the doctor’s surgery opens and Zayn comes out, signing his thanks.

“Everything ok?” Liam asks and Zayn nods his head, catching the can of coke Niall threw in his direction.

“Ok well I’ll be down to the car in a minute” Liam says and eyes Zayn warningly. Zayn gets the message looking at Liam curiously but choosing not to question him. Instead he ushers Niall and Sam towards the stairs.

Liam knocks quietly on the door that was just shut and Zayn’s doctor reappears.

“Ah, Liam is it?” Dr Hughes eyes Liam over the rim of his glasses with a kind smile. Liam nods his head and wrings his hands nervously.

“Is everything ok?” Dr Hughes asks, taking in Liam’s nervous demeanour.

“I was just wondering… about my sister” Liam starts and the man grins.

“Yes Zayn told me about her, he seems to really love the kid”

Liam smiles at that but pushes it to the back of his mind.

“Well as he might have told you, she is also deaf”

“He mentioned that fact” the doctor is close to beaming at Liam now. Could the doctor know what Liam is about to ask.

“Well, is there any way Sam could receive the same treatment, maybe even book her an appointment just to check” Liam rushes and holds in a breath.

Dr Hughes leans against the doorframe and uses his clipboard to scratch his head.

“It seems Mr Malik had the same enquiry”

Liam’s stomach twirls. Zayn had asked him the same thing? He can’t fight the loving grin that spreads across his face.

“I was waiting to call your parents to let them know but I suppose I will tell you now. I have booked Sam in for an appointment next Monday at two o clock”

Liam nearly hugs the man but just proceeds to thank him over and over until he is practically escorted out the door. Liam runs down the stairs and out the door where he spots Niall and Sam running around the grass of the hospital doing various flips and dance moves. He laughs at the sight of them and seeks Zayn out.

His black quiff sticks up from behind the car and Liam jogs over to find him putting Niall’s guitar in the boot of the car. Zayn looks up when Liam approaches him and smiles. Liam wraps his arms tightly around him and practically lifts him off his feet with the force of the hug.

‘What was that for?’ Zayn asks but smiles up at Liam when he is finally put back down on his feet.

‘Sam has an appointment next Monday’ Liam tells him, fingers shaking with excitement.

Zayn looks over at Sam who is doubled over with laughter as she watches Niall attempt to do a cartwheel. He looks back at Liam and beams.

‘That is so great’

Liam nods and watches his sister play with his best friend, a sudden hopeful feeling erupting in his stomach.

~~

The Monday in question, Liam finds himself squashed in the back seat between Sam and Niall who had insisted on coming. Apparently Sam was his best friend now.

Sam looks nervous and keeps chewing on her thumbnail no matter how much Liam tries to get her to stop. His parents were equally nervous and kept up an annoying chatter all the way to the hospital.

Liam was becoming more and more frustrated. His own nerves were eating at him, Sam kept fidgeting, Zayn kept texting him, Niall wouldn’t stop humming and his parents were bringing up embarrassing childhood stories.

“And that was the last time Liam wet himself” his mother finishes to the over joyous looking Niall and Sam. Liam groaned into his hand and wished he had a window seat so he could avoid everyone else’s eyes and focus solely on the road.

They got there five minutes before Sam’s appointment and she was dealt with right away. Liam and Niall had to wait outside whilst she was seen to.

“What if she can’t get it?” Liam wonders aloud for the fifth time. Niall rolls his eyes and looks at Liam over the top of Heat magazine.

“She will” he answers also for the fifth time.

“Yeah but what if?” Liam says, holding Niall’s stern gaze.

With a massive sigh, Niall places the magazine down on the table.

“She will” he repeats, his eyes working their magic and he smiles when he notices Liam’s shoulders sink with relaxation.

Dr Hughes’ door opens and Liam’s parents troop out, offering their thanks and making it impossible for Niall and Liam to read their faces for any sign.

Sam follows them and Liam tenses up again when she walks towards them with her head down. He looks toward Niall in shock. He is watching Sam carefully and with a sudden defensiveness in his stance.

When Liam’s parents are finally done speaking with Dr Hughes, they turn around and Liam’s father pats Sam on the head.

“What’s going on?”

“The doctor says it is too early to make any snap decisions, she will need a lot more tests after this” Liam’s mother explains with a soft smile. Sam looks thoroughly disappointed and Liam knows that she wanted to be told yes right away.

‘It’s not a no’ he tries to make her feel better but she remains stoic looking and Liam’s heart sinks.

‘Hey, why don’t I bring you down to the café to get a bit of cake before we head off’ Niall suggests. At the mention of cake she smiles and starts to walks towards the stairs.

“Leave this to me” Niall mutters before scurrying after her with a challenge of who can make it down the fastest.

Liam makes his way to their car with his nervous looking parents and impatiently waits for them to return.

After a few minutes, Niall and Sam come strolling out the front door with chocolate smeared on their faces. Sam is laughing at something Niall said and seems much happier than she did only moments ago.

“That boy is a miracle worker” Liam’s Dad laughs and starts the engine.

Niall and Sam hop in, beaming at everyone else. It’s as if Sam had never been disappointed and Liam shoots Niall the most grateful of smiles when the car pulls out of the driveway.

//

On April 16th, Liam paces his flat nervously, glancing out the window every two seconds for any sign of Zayn’s car.

He is late. Zayn is never late.

Liam balls his fists repeatedly and looks at his phone for the millionth time. He had received a good luck text from his parents at a ridiculous hour that morning. Not that he had been able to sleep anyway.

Finally, five minutes past the time he had promised, Zayn pulls up outside Liam’s house. Liam folds his arms across his chest and taps his foot angrily when he hears the door handle turn. Zayn pokes his head in and smiles at Liam in excitement. Liam forgets his anger immediately at the sight and stalks over to Zayn, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

‘Before we leave, there is something you should know’ Zayn looks guilty and Liam’s gut wrenches in anticipation.

Zayn walks over to the window and points out through the glass. Liam stands behind him and looks over his shoulder.

Louis is sitting on the bonnet of the car, attempting to play Niall’s guitar. Harry is laughing at him, loudly; Liam is surprised he didn’t hear his laugh before he saw the boy. Niall is sitting on the path, devouring an ice cream and eying the guitar in Louis’ hands warily.

Zayn glances over his shoulder and smiles sheepishly at Liam.

‘Louis was adamant that they come too’

Liam smiles at that, he is actually glad they are all making the journey together. Zayn’s family had wanted to come but Zayn didn’t want the fuss, they were going to make the trip down when his operation was done.

“The more the merrier” Liam says and wraps his arms around Zayn again to press a kiss against his lips. Before the kiss can deepen, they hear Harry cat-calling from outside the window and Liam’s phone buzzes in his pocket.

_Stop having sex against the window and hurry up or Zayn will be late xxx_

Liam laughs and shows Zayn Louis’ text and then files the idea of window sex away for later.

‘Let’s go’

Liam takes in a nervous breath and grabs Zayn’s hand which he notices is sweaty. He leads him out to the car. Niall and Harry stand up from the path and brush their jeans down.

They all share a silent look. One that reads a thousand words of support and love. They hop in the car and Zayn pulls off towards the motorway.

~~

The car journey was one Liam won’t be forgetting in a hurry. They had to stop seven times for Harry and Niall to use the bathroom. They missed an exit and nearly ended up driving to Scotland before Louis screeched and shoved the map in Zayn’s face, thus nearly causing a horrible accident on the motorway.

The hospital in London is way fancier than the ones Zayn had been in before. It was huge too and Liam made note to keep a close eye on the ever wandering friends by his side. Zayn had his own room thankfully and the boys all piled in, watching as the nurse did a routine check up on Zayn.

“Nice to see you’ve got a lot of support” she says slowly so Zayn can read her lips. She nods a head towards the lads who are all laughing hysterically as Niall blows up one of the doctor’s gloves and pretends it is a cow’s udders.

Zayn snorts and smiles gratefully at her. She leaves the room shortly after; happy with Zayn’s current health. She had left a hospital gown on the bed for Zayn to change into whenever he was ready.

Before Harry can start messing around with the oxygen mask hanging beside Zayn’s bed, the doctor strolls in. Everyone snaps to attention and falls into place at the side of Zayn’s bed. Liam clutches Zayn’s hand and patiently waits to hear what the doctor has to say.

“Hello Mr Malik… and company” he greets them with a warm smile over the rim of his glasses. Everyone gives a mumbled welcome and Louis’ fidgeting has the bed shaking slightly.

“Everything appears to be running smoothly so you should be on your way to theatre in about twenty minutes. We have to shave the side of your hair in order to put the device in, I hope that is ok with you.”

The doctor is talking fast so Niall helps translate for Zayn, causing the doctor to blush apologetically. Zayn nods once Niall is done and runs a hand through his hair subconsciously, Liam knows it will kill Zayn to have anything done to his hair.

“As you know, once the operation is over and you wake up, you will immediately start your therapy. In four weeks, maybe even three, everything should be healed up and you will be brought in again for another test and to activate the implant. That is when we will finally be able to see if this all worked”

He finishes with another kind smile and everyone sucks in a nervous breath at his words. Zayn nods his head; he knows all of this anyway.

For the next fifteen minutes, the boys all chat excitedly, fidget nervously and make as many bad jokes as possible; all a filler for the tension hanging in the air. Zayn slips off to the bathroom to change into his gown, something that makes Louis nearly dance in delight.

“Nice arse” he says about ten times, even though Zayn’s arse is perfectly covered by his boxers.

“Well done Liam, if I had known Zayn had an arse like that” Louis starts and receives a sharp elbow in the ribs from both Liam and Harry.

“What are you elbowing me for?” Louis snaps at Harry and rubs his ribs with a sour expression. Harry blushes and just sticks his tongue out in response.

The nurse returns with the necessary equipment to put Zayn under general anaesthetic.

“Ok Zayn, are you ready?” she asks and he looks around at all of them.

Louis squeezes Zayn’s knee, Harry just nods at him reassuringly and Niall looks like he is about to cry when he smiles at Zayn in encouragement.

Liam holds his hand in what he is sure in an iron grip. Zayn looks at him last and his eyes dance with a hundred different emotions.

“He is ready” Liam whispers, not taking his eyes off Zayn.

“Ok, once I inject this into him, can you get him to start counting backwards from one hundred?” the nurse asks quietly, clearly feeling like she is invading the intense staring match between the two.

Liam nods his head and Zayn’s fingers twitch when the nurse gently pierces the inside of his elbow with the needle. Liam lets go of Zayn’s hand and tells him to count down. Zayn starts at one hundred and by the time he reaches 96 his eyes start to droop and he is out for the count by 93.

There is a silence in the room when he is finally asleep. The nurse starts to release the breaks on his bed to wheel him towards the theatre.

Zayn looks so small in the bed; so vulnerable. His eyelashes splay across his cheekbones and his lips are parted as he breathes heavily in his induced sleep. Liam wants to dive on top of him and hold him until it is over. Instead, he lets the nurse wheel his boyfriend out of the room and towards the operating theatre.

Liam can’t help it. He breaks down in tears, suddenly afraid for Zayn as all the worries revolving around the operation attack his thoughts. He is pretty sure it is Niall who guides him towards the chair in the corner of the room.

“It’s ok mate, he is going to be just fine”

~~

After four hours, Liam is nearly pulling his hair out from nerves.

“Its ok, settle down, they say it can take up to five hours” Louis says, watching as Liam paces the room and bites his cuticles.

“What if something went wrong?”

“We would know about it” Niall says, trying in vain to open a bottle of coke which seems to be tightly secured.

Liam holds out his hand to open the bottle absent-mindedly, he does not even notice when some of it fizzes over his hand.

“Yeah but-“

Harry gives a rather loud snore from his position in the chair and interrupts Liam’s worried tirade.

Before Liam can start again, the nurse walks into the room with a small smile on her face. Immediately the three boys move into her personal space.

“Calm down” she laughs and Harry finally stirs, sitting up at the sight of his friends crowding around her.

“Everything went well, the operation was a success”

Liam nearly whoops with joy. Louis and Niall grab each other and start dancing around the room, joined by Harry when they pass his chair. The nurse laughs at them fondly and takes Liam outside the room, away from the loud hoots.

“He will be brought back up in a few minutes, he might want some peace” she says quietly, nodding towards the room where a sudden crash sounds.

Liam laughs, one where his eyes crinkle and his whole body reacts positively.

“It will be fine” he assures her and runs back into the room to find Harry guiltily picking up medical equipment off the floor.

Liam makes a quick phone call to Zayn’s mother, to tell her Zayn is out of the theatre. They react much like Liam and the others had and tell Liam they are on their way.

Soon enough, a new nurse wheels the still asleep Zayn into the room. Unsurprisingly, everyone crowds around the bed. He is hooked up to a machine of some sort and a drip and he looks paler than usual. The right side of his head is shaved. Liam and Niall lean over to look and spot the implant at the side of his head and around his ear. It looks strange and out of place, it will take some getting used to.

“What’s it like?” Louis asks and swats Harry’s hand as he prods Zayn’s face.

Liam shrugs. “OK I guess”

They all natter quietly over Zayn and don’t even realise he has woken up. When Harry and Niall are in a particularly loud debate over whether Zayn will shave all his hair off or not, a hand rises from the bed and everyone shuts up.

“Are you ok?”

“HELLO”

“Zayn are you going to shave off your hair?”

Zayn waves his hand to quieten them and Liam just stares at him with wide, nervous eyes.

“Are you ok?” Louis asks again, this time with his hands as Zayn seems to be struggling to open his eyes wide enough to lip read.

Zayn nods his head and licks his lips, signalling towards the bottle of water on his bedside locker which Harry quickly hands over. After a long drink Zayn finally wakes up a little more and offers them all a smile.

‘I feel a bit groggy but other than that, I am ok’ he signs and reaches for Liam’s hand.

‘And no, I will never shave my hair’ he adds and they all snigger with laughter and sit down, relaxed now that Zayn is back amongst them.

~~

It has been three weeks. Three weeks of intense therapy sessions and nervous check-ups.

Zayn shows no sign of being able to hear yet but every time he so much as coughs Liam breaks out in a sweat, thinking it is Zayn speaking for the first time.

Due to appointment, Zayn and Liam find themselves back in the hospital, funnily in the same room as last time.

‘What if I have to wait another week, I’ll go out of my mind’ Zayn admits, scratching at the implant in the side of his head like he usually does.

‘I bet you won’t’ Liam tries to reassure him but both their legs are jiggling nervously and both nearly jump out of their skin when the doctor walks into the room.

He greets them warmly, asks questions like how was your day, things that seem trivial in comparison to what may be about to happen.

He brings out a long rod, informs them that it is a magnetic device and what will soon activate the implant, hopefully allowing Zayn to hear.

Zayn sits at the edge of the bed and Liam sits in the chair directly in front of him, hand digging into Zayn’s knee.

“Ok, I’m going to activate it now” the doctor announces and brings the rod up to Zayn’s right ear.

Liam holds in a breath and watches Zayn do the same. The air is thick and Liam’s stomach feels like a mini tornado is attacking it.

When the doctor lowers his arm, he stands back behind Liam’s chair and watches Zayn intensely. You could hear a pin drop in the room and Liam nearly screams out of nervousness. He watches Zayn carefully. His eyes are set on Liam and he is watching him expectantly. Liam can tell he is terrified, he won’t speak, and he can’t. It is up to Liam to check has it worked.

Everything is up to Liam right now.

He licks his lips nervously, making sure his mouth is not too dry where he won’t be able to speak and grips onto Zayn’s knees with both hands.

“Zayn?”  
//

“Zayn?”

Liam’s world had stopped the moment he said Zayn’s name. Everything was on an unstable balance and he thought he might just vomit.

So did Zayn by the look on his face. Liam is watching him more carefully than he ever thought he had in his whole life. He was basically touching noses with Zayn, watching him for any sign of recognition. Zayn usually is almost impossible to read but now his face is pale, his eyes are wide and his lips are parted in a small o shape.

He started shaking, first his knees; jiggling so hard that they were knocking into Liam’s and making the whole bed shake slightly. Then his arms and hands, Liam could feel his fingers trembling in his hands.

He stares at Liam for what feels like hours.

He licks his lips.

A soft hum, what could be interpreted as a hello of sorts leaves Zayn’s mouth. It was quiet; the doctor must not have heard it because he didn’t react.

But Liam heard it.

Zayn’s eyes are filled with tears and he looks scared but happy at the same time. He looks how Liam feels.

“Can you hear me?” Liam asks, his voice coming out as a nervous whisper. His mouth is too dry to form louder words.

Slowly, Zayn nods his head. Liam laughs, so happy that he wants to run around the run dancing and screaming.

Zayn starts nodding his head faster, realisation setting in. He just heard Liam for the first time, Liam’s laugh.

His smile grows and he wants to laugh himself but is too afraid to hear it, everything is hitting him now, his senses are going crazy.

_He can hear._

Everything is new, he feels like he has been born again almost. Given another chance.

He is so torn with emotion, he is scared and confused but ecstatic and excited. His eyes spill over with tears and Liam catches them with his fingers. Liam is beaming, he doesn’t remember ever feeling this happy, and he is crying himself.

Afraid to startle Zayn, the doctor speaks quietly and slowly, tells him that he is going to get the speech therapist to come down as soon as possible. The doctor leaves them then, smiling fondly at the two boys who are just grinning wildly at each other.

Liam reaches over and kisses Zayn gently and hears a small noise in Zayn’s throat. It makes him smile, he has heard them before but now Zayn can hear them too. They smile against each other’s lips.

‘Say my name again’ Zayn signs, a little blush forming on his cheeks.

Liam grins into his hand and looks straight at Zayn, saying his name stronger now, in his full voice.

Zayn jumps. This is so new to him, he is surprised he has not had a fully-fledged panic attack right now. Something about Liam’s voice though; it makes him feel safe.

Liam does not want to overwhelm him so chooses to sign his next question.

‘Do I sound like you imagined?’

Zayn looks thoughtful for a moment and can’t help but jump when he hears a soft crash somewhere outside the door.

‘I never really imagined your voice to be honest, but I like it’ he smiles and Liam’s heart does a giddy cartwheel in his chest.

‘I can’t wait until your parents find out’ Liam signs which makes Zayn beam. He hadn’t told them in fear that it wouldn’t work.

The door opens and the doctor walks in joined by what Liam assumes is the speech therapist.

‘Hello, I am Liz your new speech therapist’ she introduces herself to Zayn with a wide smile.

Liam is asked to leave the room whilst she works with him. He is almost beside himself dialling Louis’ phone whom he had agreed to call straight away.

Louis is with Harry and Niall in Harry’s house and the noise of them on the other line makes Liam hold the phone away from his ear.

“It worked” is all he says and he holds the phone even further away when an ear-splitting eruption of excited shouts comes across the line.

“I’m so happy” Louis says in a thick voice and Liam realises with a jolt that the eldest boy is crying.

Harry and Niall are cheering loudly in the background and Liam can hear Niall strumming violently on his guitar, both chanting something Liam can’t make out.

“It was great, it really was! You should have seen his face” Liam gushes and has to turn his face into his elbow to save any passers-by from seeing his face splitting smile.

“Tell him we send our love and that we are proud of him, I have to go separate these two fools from the curtains”

Liam laughs, not wanting to know what happened and hangs up the phone.

He paces the floor outside the room until Liz steps out with a nod towards Liam before heading off. Liam re-enters the room where Zayn is getting ready to leave.

‘I have to see her every second day for two weeks, she is going to help me adjust and teach me how to talk properly’ Zayn informs him and although they are both impatient for it to just be over with, they can’t help but grin and kiss each other.

~~

After a week Zayn has already managed to call them all foul names numerous times and Niall swears he is not to blame.

“Who else would tell him how to call us all a shower of cunts?” Liam looks over his bowl of cereal at the guilty looking Niall.

“I suppose I’ve been caught then” Niall sighs and returns to his food, looking more proud of himself than guilty.

Zayn appears in Niall’s kitchen with a bedhead that Liam can’t help but find adorable.

“Good morning” he says and Liam nearly cries into his now empty bowl. Every time Zayn speaks it is like a stab of happiness to the heart.

Niall grumbles in response and makes vomiting motions when Liam stands up to kiss Zayn.

‘I will be late for my appointment’ Zayn signs when Liam kisses him with extra might.

“Fine, off you go then” Liam says and pats Zayn’s arse before he runs upstairs for a shower.

“This is all mad” Niall says, looking at the spot Zayn was just standing in.

“Yep”

“It’s amazing how well he is adjusting to this, I would probably be going crazy with all the sounds. I can’t wait until he hears me play guitar for him”

Zayn has yet to listen to music of any form, still unused to loud noises, Liam wants him to be completely used to the change before letting him hear what he has been craving for years. Niall is looking contemplative and Liam sniggers when he thinks of a good response.

“I can’t wait ‘til he hears my sex noises”

Niall chokes on his orange juice and quickly exits the room, giving Liam the finger on his way out.

~~

“What are we doing here exactly” Harry shouts at Liam from across the hut in Liam’s parents’ garden. They only use it for when there is a party at the house or people want to smoke outside. Liam sometimes uses it to sing and write songs in, he finds that music sounds best in here.

“Inside voice Haz” Louis says when they all wince at how loud Harry’s voice is in the acoustic area.

“We are introducing Zayn to music for the first time” Liam tells the blushing Harry patiently.

It has been almost four weeks since Zayn had his implant activated and he has adjusted incredibly since then. He can speak now with confidence and is no longer frightened by loud sounds. He has been dying to listen to music but was told he couldn’t until the four week mark. Liam plans to make the experience a memorable one.

“Why here?” Louis asks.

“I think this is where music sounds best, it echoes nicely in here” Liam explains.

“Ok, but where is your iPod and speakers?” Louis asks again.

Liam smirks and hears a knock on the door before Niall strolls in with his guitar in hand.

“We are providing the music” Liam explains, nodding towards the guitar.

“You mean we are all going to sing?”

“You don’t have to”

Louis and Harry look at each other, both wondering whether it is a good idea or not.

“Well what are we singing?” Harry asks after they both shrug in agreement.

Liam tells him the name song and sings it for them, along with Niall’s guitar so they all know how it goes.

After an hour of practice, Liam is confident and sends Zayn a quick text inviting him over.

It doesn’t take long for Zayn to arrive and he knocks at Liam’s front door. Thankfully Niall was in the kitchen raiding the fridge and was there to let him in.

“I didn’t know you were here too” Zayn smiles at the younger boy who has jam stains on the side of his mouth.

“We are all in the hut” Niall tells him and resumes his raid whilst Zayn makes his way out to the others.

Everyone greets Zayn warmly when he walks into the hut which he inspects having never been in it before. It is a small circular shape and the wooden walls give the place a warm feel and the large cushions all over the floor make it even warmer.

“What’s going on?” He asks.

Nobody really answers him, they all just mumble incoherently until his suspicions come to a front.

“Liam” he says in a warning tone to his too innocent looking boyfriend.

Liam wants to wait until Niall returns before telling him but Zayn has one eyebrow raised and that is never a good sign.

“Well it has been four weeks now and we think it is time you heard a little music” Liam tells him and watches as Zayn’s features soften and his eyes become alight with excitement.

Niall finally walks in having stuffed himself enough and picks up his guitar, waiting for the go ahead from Liam.

The four of them sit across from Zayn whose eyes widen when he realises they are the ones providing the music and not some form of technology.

It will be his first time hearing music and also Liam sing. Two things he has been craving put into one and he feels a lump rise in his throat already.

Niall starts plucking softly at the strings of his guitar when Liam gives him a small nod. Liam breathes in nervously and looks at Zayn when he opens his mouth to sing. He looks so hopeful and excited that Liam’s voice sticks in his throat. He has to wait until Niall replays the chords and he finally finds his voice, softly singing the first verse of the song he had picked.

For the chorus Louis, Harry and Niall join in with surprisingly nice harmonies, Harry managing to keep quiet as he sang. Liam closes his eyes and loses himself in the song, opening his eyes every now and again to steal a glance toward Zayn.

Zayn is mesmerised. He is staring at the four of them in complete awe. Liam’s voice sends shivers down his spine and when the others join in with their harmonies he feels the goose bumps rise rapidly on his skin.

When Liam ends the song with a long high note everyone sucks in an anxious breath waiting for Zayn is react.

His reaction has them all jumping up wildly with worry. He bursts out crying, heart wrenching sobs echoing around the hut as he buries his face in his hands.

“Are you ok oh my god we must have been terrible!” Louis rambles, rubbing small circles across Zayn’s back.

“This is the worst reaction to my voice I have ever had” Harry roars, throwing his arms up in the air, looking aghast.

“No, no you weren’t terrible” Zayn manages to get out, wiping his eyes with his palms and looking up at them with a watery expression.

“It was the best thing I have ever heard” He says, looking only at Liam.

“Thank fuck for that” Niall breathes out a sigh of relief and Harry relaxes with a roll of his eyes.

Liam smiles shyly under Zayn’s gaze.

His heart lurches when Zayn responds with a smile that Liam can only describe as _filthy_.

~~

That’s another thing Liam had been resisting. Sex was off the cards until Zayn was ready. Not that that was Zayn’s choice. But Liam had been so used to being as loud as he wanted when they were in bed together that he was afraid to startle Zayn until he knew the time was right.

Zayn seems to be impatient and frustrated on Liam’s couch when the three others had decided to call it a night. He was straddling Liam as they lay down watching some boring film and kissing his neck hungrily.

“Zayn”

Zayn ignores him and moves down to Liam’s collarbone, biting it softly and making a groan rise in Liam’s throat.

“Zayn!”

“Urgh what is it?” Zayn finally raises his head and looks down at Liam with a scornful expression.

“Are you sure-“

“Listen, you were the one who decided we were not allowed have sex for some reason, not me”

Liam shuffles awkwardly in the couch, slightly intimidated by Zayn’s sudden anger. Zayn notices this and softens, sitting up now on his heels.

“I am sure I want to do this. Today was the greatest day of my life to be honest and I want to end it with a bang”

He cocks an eyebrow then and licks his lips tantalisingly slowly. “Literally”

That does it for Liam, he grips Zayn’s hips and flips them around on the couch so he is pressed in between Zayn’s legs and kisses him hard. It’s messy and desperate, Liam can’t really believe how they lasted this long and tries to make up for it with his lips.

“Upstairs, now” Liam breathes out and thanks the heavens that his parents and Sam are at his grandmothers.

He hoists a breathless Zayn off the couch and uses all his arm strength to lift him and carry him up the stairs. Zayn can’t help but giggle, especially when Liam stumbles on one of the stairs, knocking Zayn’s head against a picture frame.

“Shit sorry” Liam huffs out and carefully continues his ascent.

They finally make it to Liam’s old room and he plonks Zayn down on the bed which to his embarrassment has Toy Story covers on.

“Nice” Zayn mutters, smiling at Liam’s bed sheets and laughing at the blush spreading across Liam’s face.

“Shut up” Liam mutters when he starts kissing Zayn’s neck and achieves just that. Zayn groans softly and starts to tug Liam’s t-shirt off. Liam obliges and makes sure Zayn returns the favour, also making quick work of Zayn’s annoyingly tight jeans.

Liam feels Zayn’s hips rolling up to meet his and he fights back another groan at the friction. He definitely needs to lose the jeans before they become difficult to shuck off. Soon the two of them are lying beside each other in their underwear, alternating between soft kisses and passionate ones.

“You’re being oddly quiet” Zayn mutters when he presses soft kisses down Liam’s chest.

“How do you know that I was not always quiet?” Liam asks, trying not to gasp when Zayn nibbles on his hipbone

“I could feel it, right here” Zayn tells him, licking his chest with a dirty smile.

“Oh” comes Liam’s short response because he quickly shuts his mouth when Zayn rids him of his boxers.

“Also, I thought we should change things up tonight” Zayn says against Liam’s lips and his dark eyes glint dangerously.

“Mmm?” Liam is curious.

His question is answered when Zayn pins his arms above his head and hoists a leg over Liam’s body so he is leaning over him.

“Oh” Liam parrots and bites his lip when Zayn grins at him and rocks his hips.

“I don’t have any condoms” Liam breathes out when Zayn takes his own underwear off.

“Do we really need one, I mean I trust you” Zayn admits and Liam smiles in agreement before dragging him back down for a kiss.

It doesn’t take long for Zayn to prepare Liam and it certainly doesn’t take long before their harsh breaths are filling the air and Liam is practically begging Zayn for it.

“You sound s-so good” Zayn stutters as he positions himself and Liam gulps, attempting a smile which is cut off when Zayn mercilessly pushes into him.

Zayn’s jaw drops and his eyes widen; Liam can feel the bed sheets twist under his grip on either side of Liam’s head. Liam tries to stay as quiet as possible but he finds it difficult when Zayn’s sudden dominance makes an appearance. He throws Liam’s leg up over his shoulder and slaps his hand away when Liam tries to relieve himself.

“Stop” Zayn growls and Liam lets out a low moan at the fierce look in his eyes. At that, Zayn is only encouraged and grabs Liam’s hips, shifting the angle slightly to hit his spot perfectly.

Liam arches off the bed with a cry and fists his hands in Zayn’s hair. He can hear Zayn grunting but can only truly focus on how good it feels, he lets go and lets Zayn fuck him until he is a shouting, sweaty mess.

“Fuck!” Zayn shouts when he thrusts particularly hard feeling Liam clench around him and comes, pressing his forehead into Liam’s glistening collarbone. Soon Liam himself is coming, without a hand to help.

“That was amazing” Zayn says when he finally catches his breath, nestled against Liam’s side.

“I have been missing out on your filthy noises all this time- you sounded like a pornstar” he jokes, poking Liam’s hip.

“How would you know what a pornstar sounds like?” Liam retorts in between heavy pants.

“Well, it is an expression but I am pretty sure you did” Zayn mumbles, shutting Liam up with a lazy kiss.

Liam smiles against his mouth and drags him under the covers, not quite done for the night.

~~

For their one year anniversary, Zayn’s birthday, Liam takes him to his first concert. It is nothing big or too loud, just a small piano recital. Zayn cries but Liam pretends he doesn’t see, just holds onto Zayn’s hand for dear life and smiles at him warmly when it is over.

That September, after much persuasion, Liam changes his course to music in college. Zayn attends every performance Liam makes and beams at him from the crowd each time.

That October, Harry hears Zayn sing for the first time. Yes he was in the shower but Harry bursts into the sitting room and drags them all listen outside the door. Harry swears he has the voice of an angel and insists they start a band. Louis shoots him down, claiming that Harry could be in a band by himself with his foghorn voice.

That November, Liam asks the four of them to accompany him in his midterm performance. Zayn is convinced he only asks him out of courtesy but does it anyway. The judges tell them their harmonies are something else and Liam never felt prouder of the five of them than in that moment.

That December, Sam is given the go ahead for her own Cochlear implant and the party they have that night is one none of them will be forgetting in a long time.

And the following summer, Sam hears for the first time, Harry and Louis finally kiss, Niall plays guitar for Sam every day and meets a girl of his own.

Liam and Zayn, well they move in together and continue being “disgustingly in love” as Niall puts it.  
/

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Zayn asks, looking over at Liam who is just finishing writing a new song in his book.

Liam shrugs, having been lost in thought over everything. He raises a finger to his eye, then both hands across his chest and points at Zayn who returns the gesture with a soft smile.

**END.**


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